Full Name: Zapp Ratt

Nickname(s): Zapp

Age: 21

Gender: Male

Homeworld : Mandalore

Race: Mandalorian

Occupation: None but aims to be A Bounty Hunter

Eyes: Blue

Hair: Orange

General Description: Pefect Body and exercises daily. But hes still slimmed and dosent look like a fat body builder.
He is about 1,86 m tall and weighs 89 kg

Clothing: Dark Mandalorian clothes and gear he has also made his own helmet wich looks really really ugly and dumb but he thinks its cool.

Weapons: None

Other Equipment: Normal Mandalorian Gear

Transportation: None

Inventory: None So far.

Family: None his familiy died at yuong age he is the only one left.

History: Zapp was born on the mandalorian home world and was trained by young age to be the perfect soldier in the army to lead them into a greater glory but something went terribly wrong all Zapp could think of was the two ledgendary bounty hunters that once lived on the mandalorian planet. They were called Boba and Jango Fett the two greatest bounty hunters who has lived ever lived in the galaxy. He quickly fleed from the army and his trainers and took himself with him his girlfriend and lived on scrap and began to hitchike around the universe one day he become poor really poor and his girlfriend left him
But as he fled the home planet he was lurking the galaxy trying small jobs for some crooks to when he can get powerful enough to buy his own ship to fight with. He doesn’t want to get back to his old life and is determined to success as a bounty hunter and be seen as one of the greatest bounty hunters of all time. He also hates the Jedi and Sith and doesn’t want to be close with freaks like that as he calls it. His true reason for hating jedi and the sith is becuase of their filthy history that he belives his something that can be classed as a betrayal in the eyes of the people, He has now made a wow to one day become powerful enough to slay jedis and siths alike.
He has now returned to mandalor to train to become a bounty hunter and be one of the most famous one in the wide whole galaxy.
Before all this happened zapp was just a normal kid who didnt know what was best for him but when he heard of boba and his fame he decided to one day meet his idol and surpass him thats was his reason to join the bounty hunter education on mandalor. He has many friends in the galaxy becuase of his hitch hikeing in the galaxy and planets and have a lot of experience about it even for being so young that he is. A new fact that was known recently is that Zapp have never met his real parents on mandolore and becuase that he dosent have a clue what his past and what destiny he is to follow, He misses his parents very much and resesnt that he never got to learn them properly and would do anything to just see them again. He hopes that if he becomes a famous bounty hunter his familiy will recognice him and his name.



RP Sample: Zapp walked to the training ground and begin to do some laps around the training site thinking about his life and what was he gonna do with it, After he had run around and tought for a while he stopped and began to do pushups in hopes of that someone should reconice him and train him to be a bounty hunter but like always zapp tought that his dream was far away and then falled on the ground exhausted from the training.

Suddenly when he looked up he saw a man it was his ledgendary idol the man who everybody feared Boba fett he looked at the man as he walked around the training ground looking at the other cadets , Zapp was stunned by the apperance by his greatest idol and couldnt say a word when Boba went past him , He just stood there and watched in awe as the young man walked past him towards the office.

Zapp went after the man and got in sneaky and said to Boba who watched the training ground in a window " Hello Mr.Fett i would like your advice on things that involve bounty hunting would you please give me an answer" and he looked at boba as the man didnt turn around or nothing he then slowly turned around and watched the young fellow and said " Be hard and patient and always trust yourself you should do fine now get back to the training and do your best" he then walked the young student out and gave him a nice clap on the forehead.

Firstly, your history, according to the rules, has to be atleast 400 words long, though we prefer 600 - 800. Also your RPG sample must be bigger. Go to the Characters thread on the main index and check other member's submission forms, and you will have an idea of what we expect. But so far it looks good

now then

Looks good but, a few details. You said Boba Fett once lived on Mandalore, which is spelled wrong on occassions, but he lives there in this timeline, but he never grew up there. There are quite a few spelling mistakes which can be easily corrected if you put this into a Microsoft Word file, also your history is still a little too short. Sorry, we have to stick to the rules, we can't make an exception or it would be unfair on those who already applied. You're at 366 words, 400 is bare minimum, but we prefer 600 plus. Just add more details to your history, and it should look fine.

Also I would increase your RP sample a little, with perhaps some talking examples so we can see how you would communicate.

Then everything should be fine.

Notice that we had to remove your banner, it was just far too big for us to accept, if it was a little over the rule we have, we would've let it slide, but it was just too much

i dont have any microsoft word and therefore i cant correct it..
And i will only make 400 max i hate bios i never read them anyway for me the playing is more important becuase from most other sites including my own i only write about 6 senteneces for bio and thats enough.


Damn do you know where i can find a cool banner like you have of Boba fett

Well actually Anakin makes all of them, he made his, mine and he made a Boba Fett banner, but a member here is already using it. If you place pictures you would like to have in the banner on the ORDER HERE thread ONCE you are a member, then he can make you one for yourself.

Concerning the word length, we expect people to write a decent amount to show the effort and creativity they are willing to put into this RPG. And we expect that you write no less than 6 lines once you begin to play the RPG.

okay i will do that but then i can geg one on jango fett instead.

mwuahaha that is me!!!! :P :D

your character looks cool! But perhaps I think a little to skilled at this stage of the game...
It is perhaps natural of your story, but...
I think your character should be a little less skilled and actually have to train a bit before mastering things...
No offence, but I'm not sure it's fare you have such advantages and training at only such little number of posts...
But that is off course my decition, that belongs all to Padmé and Anakin! :)

Have a good stay anyway, and bevare as many here likes to post looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong posts! :P

yours cincerely

lewy

A few helpful hints, if i may.



First off, use paragraphs. Divide the background into sections, like you did with the RP Sample you typed, because trust me when i say that even though longer History sections are encouraged, some blank lines between then will make it a LOT easier to read.

Speaking of which, i'd suggest moving what your character is saying to a separate line altogether, it didn't even occur to me your character was talking until i read it a second time.

Second, use bolding. Here, let me show you:

See how that makes it a bit easier to spot the different sections?

Lastly, some links for you:

http://www.spellcheck.net <-- Free online spell checker (since you don't have Word). Note that actual grammatical errors aren't found, since it just looks at the separate words (wow as opposed to vow etc.)

http://www.spellchecker.net/spellcheck/ <-- Free online grammar checker. Much like the previous link, it only looks for actual errors, and not unintended mistypes.

http://dictionary.reference.com/ <-- Free online dictionary, thesaurus and encyclopedia. When in doubt, look it up here, i do the same thing :P

www.wookieepedia.com <-- Online encyclopedia for all your Star Wars needs

Also, some other notes:

'Jedi' and 'Sith' don't have plural. One Jedi, two Jedi, one Sith, two Sith...

Also, some commas and other forms of punctuation wouldn't hurt... As our last example, let's take a look at the first line in your History section (warning: minor flaming ahead!)

So, your character was born on the Mandalorian homeworld, as was trained by someone called Young Age to be the perfect soldier... you get my drift.

I could spellcheck your entire History, but yeah... You're the one that has to do this. It's your character after all :P

If I may too:

She's got a point there, you know...
Though it's good you use "" when you speak.
Keeep up that good habbit! :)

But as Jin already mentioned, you should consider more paragraphs...
For instance, you could make it a habbit to write what you or other say in own paragraphs.
Like:

could be:

I also advice you to use full stops more often.
But as Jin said: this is your decision, we only want to help, so please don't get offended. :)



yours cencerely

..........................lewy.......................