Amusing, and SERIOUSLY true:


http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/Post.asp?id=112

Some of his complaints are pretty odd (people skulking around behind the screen wearing night vision goggles? :huh:), some are pretty minor (kids throwing candy; people with high hairdos; individually wrapped sweets; etc.), and some I disagree with quite strongly, like his ban on "use of the lavatory whilst the feature is in progress." If a movie's long and I have to take a pee, I'm getting up and going (as I did during TITANIC and LOTR: FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING). Granted, I always sit on the aisle on such occasions where I feel that might be an issue. I also decry his ban on "shouting encouragement to yonder protagonists." However, he does lift this for us Yanks when he adds:

"If you’re American then you receive a grudging free pass on this as it seems to be an evolutionary trait caused by generations of watching Jerry Springer, which you're all now powerless to resist."

The folks with night vision goggles are there to make sure no one's videotaping the film. I first noticed them at a Toronto Film Festival screening of HOSTEL.

As someone with a small bladder, I disagree about the urination issue as well, but I usually try to sit on the aisle for films that are longer than 90 minutes.

#1 I chalk up to The Price of Living In Society; it's good now and then to remember that the world isn't designed for your convenience. But then I can afford to be blase about this, as I'm a big guy and it rarely happens to me.

#2 is fine in *small doses*. And I mean *small*.

I see a good half or so of my movies with predominantly African American audiences. I remember when I first moved here I had all these expectations about a lot of chatter at the screen from these crowds -- based on bad standup comedy routines and sitcoms, admittedly.

In fact, I have to say that this has never been a problem. And like I said, in very small doses it can be amusing -- I remember one elderly gentleman blurting out "look at that guy go! man!" during the climax of A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE.

#3 has never happened to me. I'm more annoyed by people who don't pick up after themselves, actually. Why can't you toss your own Dots box away?

I've never seen #4 or #5, either. But again, I'm a big guy, which may have something to do with #4.

#6 is silly, although I, like most people here, feel you should prepare for this eventuality if you feel it might occur.

#7 only happened to me once since I've been in Philly (I was watching KILL BILL VOL. ONE.) In general, people are respectful of this, I think. There are warning beforehand in every moviehouse I've been in around here to shut off your phone.

for #8, see #1

#9 has never happened to me. Though I remember as a kid watching EMPIRE STRIKES BACK and like two rows in front of me was a couple and the boyfriend had never seen STAR WARS, so she spent the whole movie explaining the backstory to him. "Now, this is Darth Vader, and he..."

But I've never seen it since.

#10 ABSOLUTELY. That drives me nuts, frankly.

doug

The worst: People texting during movies, or anything that causes a little blue light to suddenly flash in the darkness, breaking the spell. Spontaneous combustion stinks, too. :)

Most of those seem petty, and sort of elitist. I'll laugh at whatever I find funny, and I'll go piss (or have a smoke if need be) whenever I want to. It's a movie, not the Stanford Prison Experiment.

But then, I always go to the showings where I have the theater mostly to myself.

But then I'm curious as to why he didn't mention what I'd take as Commandment #2: Thou Shalt Not Take Your Toddlers to R-Rated Movies.

Of course, I agree that Commandment #1 is turning off the stupid cellphone.

Somebody get that guy a "Do Not Disturb I'm Having A One-Dimensional Experience" t-shirt.