Don't know/care what ep they're from? Post 'em here.

Alan: Normally I would have come to see you, but today, well... heh heh. I have better things to do.
Joanna: So?
Alan: So.
Joanna: Piss off and do them.

Hia

No idea what episode this is from, but it's when Sue's in the corridor with Dr S, and he's asking her something but she won't answer so he pulls her hair as she walks away and she says:

"Did you just touch my squirell?"

Hahahahahaha had me in stitches for years, and me and my friend always say it when we have our hair in ponytails.

Classic! :thumbsup

Aah, the squirrel.

"I don't let the squirrel out for just anybody."

More Sue quotes:

"thank God for the dead box"

(To the fly that had just frazzled in one of those hygenic light things) "Adios."

"I am completely shaved. wooohhaaooaaaa."

I didn't actually know how to express the sound that sue makes after the last quote, but I made an attempt. Anyone who can think of something better? Answers on a postcard!

Sue yelling at the crying lady: take this book on dealing with difficult people and f*ck off!!!!!!!!!!! :lol:

"I can do headstands. Now would you like to see that?"

My favourite Sue moments were when she was going after Caroline:

Sue: (Outside the lift) "Just want to see you safely into the metal womb."
Caroline: "I think I'll take the stairs."

Sue (Re: Caroline, Shouting after Mac in the ambulance): "She's not good enough for you! She doesn't have a fanny!"

Sue Rocks. :worship2

hehehe and when shes offering the little kid the lollipop!

Sue: you, you want one of these?? yeah? well you can have it.

:lol:

*Episode-Carolines House Party*...

Sue: (standing at the top of the stairs stopping Martin getting through).."Crack Cocaine?"...

(Martin walks back past sue)

Sue: "Yeah'Mooon"...

She's brilliant!!

Martin: (Clutching test results) "Ooh, I dont want to open them"

Boyce: "Oh go on, i'll give you ten pound to open them" (pulls out £10)

Martin: "No"

Rebecca: "I'll give you a kiss" (Martin, Boyce & Rebecca all stop) "No Tongues"

Martin: "No"

Boyce: "I'll give you £20 and a hand job"

Martin: "Look guys, thanks but no thanks, yeah?"

(Rebecca walks off)

Boyce: "How much would it take for you to open them?"

Martin: "Errm, One Hundred...And Sixty Pounds"

(Boyce pulls out a wad of money & starts counting)

Martin: "Actually I meant, Half a Million Pound?"

Boyce: (stops and looks at wad) "Bit rich for me, im out"

I love the first episode of the second series=

*Sue throws flowers to Caroline by mistake*

"I don't think so".

Just the way she says it.. absolute genious!

hehe that was funi

my fav quote is when caroline and guy are talking

"a replica cat"
"no, a replica gun"

lol

and i think it was hilarious when mac comes out of hes coma and knoks caroline unconcious
"ohh f*ck... i think i've killed a doctor"

then something like

"Guy are you stupid"

"No, not stupid enough to ask if someone has a replica cat"

or something like that ;)

Dr. Alan statham - ' A daddy long legs is not a father!!!'

'I want you to trim my parsley patch!' :notworthy lol
'pah pah p'pah p'pha pah.....' :rolleyes: I love sue!

sue (to caroline) "i dont think so"

Sue from the beginning of S2 E1.... "Does anyone want some.. ham..?" :lol:

I'm new here hi.

NAUGHTY RACHEL : (examining her cigarette packet) : What does yours say?
BOYCE : 'Smoking lowers sperm count'.
NAUGHTY RACHEL : 'May cause miscarriage'.
(They both put out their lit cigarettes, swap packets, and light a new one)

*waves* hello :D
GUY : Two things women want : money and protection.
MARTIN : Ah, well, I've got a helmet and a credit card.

:high :high :high Matin makes me laugh,he's so sweet and foolish!

CAROLINE : Mind you, I did have a rather disturbing lesbian dream.
GUY : BINGO!
MAC : Would you like to talk about that? At all?
hehehe! :P

i could carry on all day...dum de dum :blush

MARTIN : Captain that, you flidoid.

heh heh flidoid is a funny word...

Marty!
Boycey!
Martyyyyy!
Boyceyyy!
Martyyyyyyy!!!!!
(etc)

Caroline: Did you just throw your breast at me?
Sue: No... do you want me to?

Martin: I love you...
Caroline: I've just seen the face of Jesus at the window.

Sue: Halamacadoooo!
(Said after kissing Caroline at party, skipping down the garden path...)

BOYCE: Perhaps if we rubbed our nipples it would help.
[both rub nipples]
ALAN: Y y y yes yes I..
BOYCE: They're beginning to retract now.

Close the box
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
Close the box
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
Close the box
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
Close the box

CLOSE THE BOX

sorry

"you fell a sleep while we were making passion"
lol and martin ate her phone

Guy- Are you ready for the shpoon of destiny?
Mac- Yes, I am ready for the shpoon of destiny

lol :wub:

"are you drink to forget that you look like a man some times"
that was just evil lol

Not really a quote, but I love it when Sue sings "Can't Get You Out of My Head" at Guy, chasing him down the corridor!

"Join me in next weeks episode of 'Lets make no fucking sense' where ill be waxing an owl"

:lol:

I like Alan's song

'A is for appendectomy, B is for Barium, C is for Cystitis... F is for fucking directors, G is for gobshite, H is for he is a bastard, I is bloody pissed off, J is for jiggily jugs... and Q is for queer, i'm not you understand, it's for the song aaa and R is for rectum... W is for wanky w**k.'

Those are some of the best bits but it was all good.

Simple
Boyce:"I bought you for 30p!"

haha racks me up everytime!! :lol:

Caroline: "Oooh, men like wiggly bottoms! Hold the front page!" :P

MARTIN:You know, I've never even touched anyone that attractive.
GUY:Well, you could touch my arm.
MARTIN:It's not the same, is it?

GUY:Two things women want : money and protection.
MARTIN:Ah, well, I've got a helmet and a credit card.

GUY:Yeah, I'll see you in Zurich. (looks at Martin) See, iv stopped because of your beauty, now you try.
MARTIN:Yeah, hello Mum, I'm in Zurich.
GUY: NO your not in Zurich!
(Martin gawps at Guy)
GUY:What are you doing?
MARTIN:Im stunned by your beauty!


HAHA CRACKS ME UP :lol:

NAUGHTY RACHEL : (examining her cigarette packet) : What does yours say?
BOYCE : 'Smoking lowers sperm count'.
NAUGHTY RACHEL : 'May cause miscarriage'.
(They both put out their lit cigarettes, swap packets, and light a new one)


:D

Mac: All very well taking away Guy’s driver’s license, but, did they consider who they are letting loose on the general public?

"And why did he give the tape to the King of the Elf people?" lmao! :lol:

"Join me again next week on this episode of "Let's make no fucking sense" when I will be waxing an owl."

:notworthy

I ADORE that quote - soooooo funny!

:roflmao

MAC : It's the brave explorer returned from the uncharted regions of drunkenness.
CAROLINE : No. No. Stop saying words.

MAC : Have you taken any painkillers?
CAROLINE : I need something stronger. I want the stuff you use for killing people.

Guy: "Wake up, or the kitten gets it! (pause) You said that would work!"

I love that he blames the plan not working on the kitten :) best laid plans of cats and men...

ALAN: Of course if she were here she would probably have Pork Balls but no she'd probably rather be having dirty sex with her own son again.

Ba-Zing

The 'almost' complete statham song!

A is for appendectomy
B is for barium
C is for cystitis
D is for defibrillate
E is for echocardiography
F is for *beep* director
G is for gobshyte
He is a bastard
I is bloody pissed off
J is for jiggly jugs
K is for kicking arse
Lady lips is L
M is mmmmmm
N is nnnnnnnnn
Penis is for P
Q is for queer
R is for rectum
S is for *beep* and slits
Tiny tits is T
U is a bastard
V is for vagina
W is fo wanky w**k
Y fronts is for Y
X ray
Z ?

Ahh pure genius
ALAN: Bird-calls of Northern Europe, the Corn-Crake. gbbbl gbbbl tibbl gbblgbbl twweet tttwweet

"Hi mum, it's me, what do mean 'who'? You know who it is, it's Martin"

Or, something like that :) it reminds me of my friend, she would phone her mum saying pretty much the same thing, 'Hi mum it's me', then afterwards she'd always have to say 'Lauren'. I changed her name for her protection, it's actually Cyril... ahh damn.