ok GUYS i know i may take a while to regain your trust.

But seriously, HOW WAS I GONNA CONVINCE THE CARGUYERS without a sufficient mourning gaps? But anyway. New fic. New start. NEW SMUT. but not for a bit. I've not got too far with it, but i thought i would end the misery/killing anger against me and post. It will be a bit more experimental, diary entries and stuff. However's easiest to tell the story. Plus i love doing diary entries.

oh yeah and the titels from a larrikin love song called 'well love does furnish a life'. Its a gooood song. HAPPY EASTER!!!!

___________

I’ve still got sand
In my shoes and I can’t shake the thought
Of you.

Mac was sorting through his messages, deleting the few left by his mum while he was away, and was surprised to hear the mechanised voice on the other end tell him he had ‘ten saved messages’. He couldn’t remember why on earth he would ever have saved any voicemail messages, let alone ten, so he pressed ‘4’ to hear them. As he went through them, he realised each time what the importance had been: Details for an occasion months away at the time of the message, a funny one left by Rose, a couple he had obviously just saved by accident. And then one, sent on the ‘four-teenth of Feb-ruary two- thousand- and – seven’, three months ago now, one that started with just random background noise, traffic and rain and the world buzzing around one confused person in a phone box.
“Hi, Mac. I just… wanted to say thanks, you know, for the card, and I’m sorry I haven’t got you anything. I think Guy may have noticed if I’d been buying valentines cards for someone else. Not that I think he’d have killed me or anything. I just think he might have minded. Anyway I’ve decided to do a fabulous Audio Card instead, which I’ve basically already messed up, anyway. Sorry. So I just wanted to say… yeah, thank you. Happy Valentines day. I miss you too. I love you, ok? I love you.” Listening to it now, he could hear the strain, the lost-ness in her voice. Jesus frigging idiot, that’s what he was. He must have been blind to see what was going on, see what what he was doing must have looked like. ‘Oh, go marry this other man. No, I don’t mind.’ Like she was going to believe she still loved him. Like she’d bother carrying on wasting love on him. “I hope you’re ok. see you tomorrow, bye.”
It was strange, he’d almost forgotten about that stage in his life, that strange limbo-time before Guy died. Looking back, he was surprised any of them had coped as well as they did, surprised that despite everything Guy and Caroline had managed to be happy. That was, in essence, the thing that saved any part of the situation: that no matter what had happened to him and Caroline, Guy had been made happy for his last few weeks. And, thinking about it, Mac wouldn’t have taken that away for anything.

Starting out of his reverie he pressed ‘7’ on the phone, put it down and went to make a cup of coffee, as the tinny little woman inside the machine whispered,
“Message deleted.”

*

She woke up, yawning, reluctantly. Out of everything she hated about being a doctor, it was the getting up that had to be the worst thing. Well, and the funny hours. And the horrible patients. And A&E. But other than those things, it was definitely the getting up.
She stood, slipping her feet blindly into some slippers and making her way down the stairs of the cold, darkened house. Normally she made toast or bacon or eggs or something, but today she really just couldn’t be arsed. Maybe it was the rain outside, maybe it was that she was tired, but overall she felt shit. So she leant on the countertop and ate chocolate chips until she felt sick, stomped back upstairs, got dressed in something or other, and stomped back down again.
She checked the messages on her machine, deleted the two from Mitch without listening to them- and this was not an act of spitefulness, but one of necessity, because his messages were always exactly the same and very long; poetry recitals in the dullest sense of the term- and left the house.

New fic! and SMUT! :wub: you have NO idea how happy I am right now :wub:
Thankoooooo!


edit: that is CaroMac smut, right? RIGHT? You're not going to do something horrible like pair her up with Mitch? *shudder*

oooh new fic :D ahh thank you! and SMUT! :wub:

yay a new fic - I'm sorry i didn't read your old one but when you started it there were too many post so I wanna try and read this one though - but :cry Guy's dead :( but yay for smut! (despite it obviously going to be car/mac) but yeah

Yay im cheered up now please let it be caromac smut :wub:

wooo yay new fic! :)
cant wait for more. :D

It was a series?!!! *celebrates* Bring in the champagne, all is not lost

Ohhh YaY for more even though i sense the Caromac.

Mitch. The Anesatist. The one who i saids not allowed near Caroline. I predicted he would fall for her.

YAY new fic!! woo hoo hoo!!

it better end up being CAROMAC!

oooh and WHO IS MITCH!!! and who is ROSE as well!!!!!!!

hummm.......

If you read back to first Enough... youll find out
Ill feel like a total fic geek remembering now!

i remember mitch
but i cant remember rose.... DAMN!!

ah well cant wait to find out more!

I have a vague recollection of Rose being his sister...I could be wrong though...?

yep ur right.

no need to panic! yet...

_______

THE ANTI-DEPRESSION DIET!! Detox your diet- detox your life!!
This Diet-diary belongs to: Caroline Todd.
GOALS: Um. Be anti-depression-toxed? Or something?
What to eat today, and what you really ate: (remember, be BRUTALLY honest!)
Breakfast:
Recommended: Bran flakes or weetabix with semi-skimmed milk and some fruit!
What I ate: Chocolate chips.
Lunch:
Recommended: Salad high in protein or oily fish with vegetables, piece of fruit
What I ate: the crumbs from a flake wrapper
Dinner:
Recommended:Whole-wheat pasta in a sauce, a piece of fruit pie or sorbet
What I ate: Well, nothing. SORRY. No wait- does cigarettes count as food? The smoke does have calories in, apparently. So if you count that.
Remember- don’t be discouraged! It’s OK to have a little naughty snack now and again, but make sure you aren’t RELYING on it to TAKE AWAY THE BLUES for a second or two!!
I can’t believe what a f*cking rip-off this is. THANKS MUM, for ANOTHER SUPER-WORTHWHILE GIFT.

hehe! Love it, that's exactly how I'd imagine a cross between Bridget Jones and Caro! can't wait for more already :)

haha :lol: brilliant
more soon please!!

I am loving this fic already and am SO glad that you're doing a follow-up to the last one cos I was addicted to that and I have a funny feeling I will be addicted to this one too :)

Awww!! lol an Anti-depression diet...what kind of a present is that :lol: :lol:

Ohhh Loving the new flick..

:roflmao
But im worried about Caroline...she should eat something!

lol oh i never though of that ..yeah she should eat, i know liviing on chocolate isnt a bad thing, well, but she needs more chocolate than that, no wonder she depressed!!!
And smoking Tutt Tutt Caroline!!

Hooray another new fic. :cheer2 I love the diet sheet :lol: but did Mac mean to delete that message <_<

I just hope this fic ends better then the last one (you have been warned :ph43r: )

:lol: haha that's soo genious i love it can't wait for more :D

Gah, how could you DO that to us? I was devastated! I was silently screaming and pulling my own hair when I read the end of Enough to Let You Go! I'm really not sure if I can forgive you ...


You're lucky you write incredibly. Otherwise I wouldn't be giving you the time of day. As it is ... Post more!

What's happened to this fic? 2 days and no update - I can't cope! I NEED MORE! :cry

Really good fic ... please write some more!!! The diet sheet was funny - bit random but funny still, heehee poor Caroline!

Madeline, where is the rest of this? Where?

Yeah where is it?! *pokes*

Letters I will never write

Hi Caroline.
You’re over there, look. I can see you, reading a magazine or something, or maybe just pretending to. A little like I am. Because neither of us, or maybe it’s just me, can seem to escape this painful awkwardness, this desolating wake of heartbreak that we can’t (or maybe it’s just me) seem to move past.

Lately I’ve been remembering stuff a lot, random stuff from when I was younger and things seemed easier, even when I first knew you. What a breath of fresh air you were then, and that of course always leads back to the Significant Other, back to the big fat mistake that was my life before you came along.

Because once upon a time, there was this guy with a crap name that he never told anybody, so he used a shortening of his second name instead. He was, ooh, twenty-one and he’d just finished medical school and was pretty damned proud of himself, because he’d just gotten qualified as a surgeon and that had sure as hell never happened in HIS family before, let alone someone moving to London to a sort of relatively quite expensive flat near the city centre.
Like I said, pretty damned proud of himself.
So anyway, this person/guy/man did all that, he moved to London and started his surgeon intern’s post at a certain East Hampton hospital, secretly ever so slightly terrified to the ends of his bollocks.
And on his first day he was presented with a certain Guy Secretan. You can just imagine already, can’t you? “Hi scrawny. Here’s the rundown, all right old chum? I go and sit down on that chair, and then you do everything I tell you to do until such time as I die or tell you to stop. Got it?”
Et cetera et cetera et centra for ten or so years.
So anyway, you can imagine that this didn’t particularly help the scrawny fraise blonde idiot from a little village in his first weeks in a big city. But do you know what the best way out of being the new person, Caroline? For someone to turn up that’s even newer than you.

I (ok yes, you’ve guessed it, it’s me) saw her on her first day, standing looking faintly lost and fairly pretty in the entrance.
“Hi. You looking for something?” she turned around and smiled.
“Yeah, paediatric internship. Is this a hospital?”
“Well, that is paediatric 101. All the interns start off together, come on, I’ll show you.”
And I decided I would not follow the example of Mr Secretan in helping the new person, in that I would help her get her feet. And also then I might have a friend, rather than the bizarre master and unwilling servant trend that was emerging with Guy. The thing was, I hadn’t been prepared for how stuck up London people were (stuck up meaning no sense of humour and VERY closely knit groups of friends).
That was Holly.
We were friends, and eventually Guy stooped down to our level and decided I was worth more than as a failed toast maker. Angela Hunter and David Thomas, two other interns, turned out to be all right as well, so we made a right little snooty intern gang, just like the rest of them.
I remember Her going out with David and me being shocked by how jealous I was. And then feeling incredibly vindicated when I found her crying in a cupboard. Dumped her, old David. Guess who kindly stepped in, a shoulder to cry on, a hand to comfort, ear to listen, lips teeth fingers body arms. Et Cetera. It would have seemed manipulative if I hadn’t been incredibly, head over bloody heels in love with this Holly person. If I hadn’t, despite everything I believed in, told her my first name on our first date. I don’t have to tell you, that means an awful lot.
Fast forward, we’re living together, happily. She’s vague, I’m reliable, she’s ditsy, I’m too serious for my own good. We balanced each other perfectly, really. Anyway, so one day, I’ve got a ring in my pocket. Yeah, I know. But when she comes home she looks really serious- and Holly, as I’ve said, was not a serious person.
Funny how you think nothing could possibly break you apart and fate conveniently finds the one thing that means you could never stay together for another second. At least not if you’re me.
One thing. One sentence.
“I’m pregnant.” No, not that part.
“I’m not keeping it. Not for you, not for anybody else.” There we go.

And the worst part is, I still loved her for a long time after that.
No wait, the worst part is, she was willing to keep one for somebody else.
I don’t know why I keep remembering her so much now. Maybe it’s pain management. Maybe my brain is replacing more recent wounds with old, stinging ones.
Maybe I’m just feeling sorry for myself, I don’t know.
Still reading?
Still pretending?
Me too.

From,
The man you’re pretending not to know, sitting across from you in the Doctor’s mess
Considering your relative capacity to have broken his heart.

Aww I like that his talking about his past its sweet!!

Lol and i noticed how you got your name into it :lol:

ooo its lovely! i want more please asap. Mac is just so sweet - especially when he's being all emotional and vulnerable *sighs* :rolleyes:

wow, that was fantastic! so well written...I love the way you mentioned how he met Guy and got together with Holly too, that was so interesting. More more more! :D

Ooh that was interesting...very interesting indeed! Lol i love the random shoving of nameage in there. As if we could forget this was a madelinenancy fic! :)

Wow that's some letter. I hate Holly even more now, how can she be vague and ditsy, as well as being EVIL :ph43r:

Can't wait to read more - hurry up :angel

oh i love the letter!! and caro's little diet thing
its so good.
more please :D

:notworthy :notworthy :notworthy This is so amazing, but heartbreaking. Mac needs to show Caroline that letter! They need to be happy! :cry
Just one tiny thing though:

How the hell did Mac become a surgeon at 21? I know he's amazing, but still ...

:( aww that was brilliant MN!
but eugh Holly <_<

more soon please!

awh, poor mac is sad!
:(
*hugs mac*
my poor baby, nasty bitchy holly gave you a heart booboo.

this is fabby madelinenancy. HUGS! :hug

BLEURGH HOLLY....I love how you've given Mac a past and shown how he feels about things cos we don't really get to see many of his emotions and I love the writing it's fantastic. It just has to be a Caromac though!!

well hes a genius... thats how hes a surgeon at 21!! just so ya know do not take ANY vaguely medical references as fact... i jst make them up
!!

sorry about my name randomly there i hav eno idea how it got there, i had to post quikly. its gone now

oooooh i really like this fic already haha

Holding on for Tomorrow,
singing la, la, la la la la, la la la

Mac’s first thought, when the head of medicine gave him the news, was: ‘Finally.’
And not just in the sense that he’d been hoping for a consultancy post for basically years, but also because he’d been thinking for a while it was about time mother fortune gave him a break.
Things had remained fairly shitty for the last few weeks, last month or so, and he’d been waiting so long for something to actually go right that he didn’t notice for a few minutes after getting the news how little he cared.
So he was a consultant. Big f*cking deal. A little more money, which, by the way, he had no idea what to spend on. An even more isolated position, even less contact with the young doctors he felt at least a little companionship with. Even less surgeries with Caroline.
Dr. Griffiths told him he could start his new post next month, and although he was a competitive surgeon, although in every way he always wanted to be the best he could be… He just couldn’t muster up the energy to be happy. And he hated himself a little for that, hated his situation for that, because it would be absolutely wonderful to be allowed to feel happy. For once. To not feel guilt over his best friend’s death, to not be expected to sort out his mucked up family, to not feel the heartache grinding like a chainsaw-tyred tank over his heart in the lines of a perfect blahblahectomy.
Just for a moment. Just for long enough to remember what it felt like.

He went outside, into the sun-streaked afternoon and stood, by the grimy river, feeling empty. The non-doomladen part of his mind said quite rationally to itself, ‘this is an empty day, ok’, because he knew in his heart that these things went in cycles, that he had not and would not always feel like this. But sometimes it was pretty damn hard to believe.

*

Go on, Caroline.
“I just wanted to say- congratulations.” He looked up in surprise, and then gave a warm smile.
“Oh, right. Thanks.”
“It’s been a long time coming. Are you excited?” she said, but saw an unidentifiable shadow cross his face.
“Right angle clamp. Yeah, I suppose. It’s not really that big of a change, is it?” she shrugged but they were interrupted as Mitch muttered darkly,
“’O tell her, brief is life but love is long.’” There was a pause.
“Um, what?” said Mac finally. Mitch stared at him as though he were a complete and utter idiot. “Alfred Lord Tennyson, stupid.”
“R-ight.” Mac and Caroline shared a moment of bonding in their scepticism towards the clearly mad anaesthetist, but the moment ended as quickly as it began. The heat in his eyes when they met hers surprised her, as it always did, and she turned away quickly.