Episode 2.1: OwlWax.

Hello everybody, and welcome to this week’s instalment of Lets’s Make No Fucking Sense.

Joining me today are Dr Mac Macartney, a top NHS surgeon, and animal behavioural specialist, Miss Victoria Swann.

Now, Mac. What first gave you this idea? Why did you come on our show?

MM: Well, I didn’t really want to come on. I made a bet with a work colleague of mine, Guy Secretan. (whooping noise from audience) He said I wouldn’t be able to do it, I said I would, he said I wouldn’t… well, it led on from there.

(more heckling from audience, mostly inaudible, but definitely ending in ‘…fucking ginger poof’)

Right. Well. Mac, why don’t you tell the audience what this bet was?

MM: Today, Matthew, I will –

My name’s not Matthew.

MM: It was supposed to be a joke. You know, as in the Stars in their Eyes? Terrible singers imitating famous ones?

Erm. Right. (gives encouraging nod)

MM: Well… Today I will be waxing an owl.

(Applause from audience, cheers, catcalls, shouts of ‘Go on Mac!’ and ‘you’ll never do it, you haven’t got the balls! Now mine, on the other hand, are –‘ and ‘Guy!’)

Thank you, Dr Macartney.

MM: (sincere voice) No, thank you, Matthew.

Right. (turns to VS). Miss Swann, what do you think of Dr Macartney’s plan? As an animal behavioural specialist, you must have some concerns –

VS: Well, really, my forte lies in pigs and other related animals… sheep, for example, or llamas. If Dr Macartney was waxing a sheep

[Member of audience ‘Sheep!’)

VS: Yes. However… I think it’s a good idea.

You do?

VS: (smiles happily) Yes, I’m interested to see how the owl will react.

Oh.

VS: Was that not supposed to happen?

Er, usually when we do things like this there are... demonstrations.

VS: Demonstrations?

Demonstrations.

MM: Demonstrations.

VS: Ah, demonstrations.

Yes.

(All pause)

Right. Well. After the break, Mac Macartney will be waxing an owl!

:lol:
ahh brilliant! :) cant wait for more hehe :P

ooh yay I swear you mentioned this AGES ago but I'm a bit slow and totaly forgot baout it - I love it vicky :excited more please :D

Wax! Wax! Wax! actually...might get the rspca on to me...but that was very amusing! :lol: (sheep!)

:roflmao Just as funny second time!!! Am looking forward to the rest of this muchly!!

(Lights go up, guest MM is holding waxing materials. Guest VS holds arm out with owl perched on it.)

MM: (mutters) I can’t believe I’m doing this. (advances on owl warily)

(MM manages, to great encouragement from the crowd, to get wax onto the owl. At this point the owl flutters off to perch on the fluffy duster thing I am informed is a sound mike. VS attempts to coax it down with a trail of crumbs from something in her pocket. The owl pecks them up, becoming increasingly and suspiciously happy for an owl that halfway through being waxed. VS bends down with back to audience to let owl hop onto arm)

(wolfwhistle and obscene comment come from audience)

(VS straightens and whispers to owl. Owl takes flight – straight towards heckler. Heckler appears to be dark, curly haired man with a face that strangely resembles a donkey)

[FILMING HAS TO STOP AS OWL HITS HECKLER AND MERGE TOGETHER INTO BALL OF FEATHERS AND VELVET SUIT, EMITTING SWEARING]

(Cheery background music plays as camera zooms in on Presenter, attempting to block out screaming noises)

Thanks for watching, everyone! I’m afraid this episode has had to stop due to... technical difficulties, but please tune in next week for another fantastic episode of Let’s Make No Fucking Sense.

If you, a family member, a friend, a colleague, a random person on the street, or in fact an enemy of yours as expressed a desire to appear on the show, please send all entries, big or small, to our PR department by the Thursday before it will be shown.

Please.

(O/S) Aaaaaaaaaarghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh bubbjsebbbbbbbbbbbbagwah.

Now, goodbye, and enjoy the Tales of the Squirrel: a mystery drama written by Madame Blanche, a little earlier than usual, on GWFF TV.

See you next week, folks!

No animals were harmed in the making of this programme.

We cannot vouch for anaesthetists

:worship2 Oh my fuckies it awesome!!!! May need more soon!!! PR you rule!! :roflmao

:lol: brill! :roflmao

Oh that was superb! :worship2

But haven't you missed something out...? :unsure:

*runs across to pull owl away from Guy* I'll wax you my owly friend! You see if i dont!

Was ist das, bingle?

BTW, do people get the various references?

Nothing. Ignore me. I just read your pm and it all makes sense.

:roflmao i love it Vicky well done and I think I get some of the references but I can be a bit slow... :unsure:

will there be more next week?? i hope so

There's one in the first and four in the second (minor references, I#m not counting teh bloody obvious ones)

:high just noticed the velvet suit :lol:

and the contact PR - oh vicky you really do rule

I wanna be on this show :D

I think I can spot magic brownies in there...

magic brownies :high were?????

and i like the squirrel bit at the end awww sue :wub:

right, let's see if i got the refs.

1.

VS: Well, really, my forte lies in pigs and other related animals… sheep, for example, or llamas. If Dr Macartney was waxing a sheep

[Member of audience ‘Sheep!’)

(I think there are 2 there...)


2.

VS attempts to coax it down with a trail of crumbs from something in her pocket. The owl pecks them up, becoming increasingly and suspiciously happy for an owl that halfway through being waxed.

magic brownie's i'm guessing???

3.

BALL OF FEATHERS AND VELVET SUIT, EMITTING SWEARING

VELVET SUIT!!!! leila would be so proud...

4.

PR department by the Thursday before it will be shown.

hee hee. :D



was i right?

I'm LOVING this BTW....

Yay!

*claps and applauds Tte*

hey i got the references too (aside from the magic brownies one as I was a bit slow on that)

BOO YAH!!! *does celebratory dance*

brilliant fic vicki, i'm on tenderhooks for the next bit.

that bit made me LOL so much hahaha.
great stuff v funny indeed :)

Yes very good, but I don't get the velvet suit reference :cry


or the sheep :unsure:

the whole screming of "sheep" in episode 9 series 1 - when they are in the field

and the velvet suit is a whole layles thing - she thught that guy's suit in episode 8 (s2) was made of velvet - she asked him at the signing and he gave her a funny look and was like "no" it was a big deal to her :lol: bless

:roflmao Oh my god, I can't breathe. PR, you are a GENIUS!

Great writing! So funny. A bloody fabby fic!

Okay, reading these comments, NOW im worried!!!

Just wannta say - 2 and a half months and I got almost ALL the references :D

Oh yuh-essss!

THIS SHOW HAS BEEN TAKEN OFF AIR DUE TO LACK OF INTEREST

[size=10SORRY.[/size]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
:sob

what!!!!! :blink: nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo :cry you can't do that it was amazing :cry!!!!!!!

:o You can't do that!!!! Its not fair ive been looking forward to more!!! *Joins with the scream of despair* NOOOOOOOoooooooooOOOOOOO!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NO NO NO NO NO! NON! NEIN! NYET! *sobs in corner of the forum*

Woah woah hold the phone...

I don't understand why everyone is so upset?

It's your own faults.

how is it our own fault?? pratically EVERYONE was reading this fic!!!

I'd doubt that, Ros, since it was once page of replies.

And nobody joined in, did they?

You didn't.

we were supposed to join in :blink:
i did say that i wanted to be in next weeks one though and one page of replies? i get like 2 replies overall and you have to remember some people don't read fics at all and a lot of people don't come on here anymore i don't understand :blink: you can't cancel it you just can't!

Never fear, i think some emergency funding has been produced and LMNFS shall be back live and uncensored (ooh err) on Monday. See you all there!

oohh yayness :excited ping pong how do you know :lol: