Im quite suprised she doesnt have a thread she says some legendary lines!!

Joanna: "Oh, wanking cow turds!" [Joanna turns her hands into the shape of a gun and points them at the shopkeeper.] "Stop what you're doing and step away from the cripple. Come on!"

Joanna: "Oh, that's normal for him. He's half Smurf."

Alan: "Do something. Do something!" [Joanna opens up her sandwich and spreads it into the face of the policeman.] "Stop. What are you…what are you doing?"
Joanna: "It's peanut butter."
Alan: "What?"
Joanna: "He might have a nut allergy. He could get that anaphylactic shock thing."
Alan: "Are you aware of the precentage of the population that suffers from a nut allergy?"
Joanna: "No."
Alan: "It's tiny. Absolutely tiny. What were you thinking of? You've made it worse."
Joanna: "Well, you told me to do something."
Alan: "Well, not just gratuitous smearing!" [Alan and Joanna look behind them, and see that the policeman is gasping for breath. He then falls over.] "Oh, my God!"
Joanna: "You see? You see? He's going blotchy."
Alan: "That's unbeliev…You are so lucky. So lucky!"
Joanna: "No, no. No, instinct. Some of us have it, some of us don't."

:worship2 :roflmao :worship2

Okay maybe im going to be on a roll with Quotes but this one made me laugh too!

Joanna: "You shat in my vodka?"
Alan: "Well, needs must, my darling. It's all a matter of priorities."
Joanna: "You bastard! My vodka! You said you didn't know where it had got to."
Alan: "Well, all right, just hand in the policeman and claim a reward. I don't know, sell the bloody van and buy lots of vodka with the proceeds. I don't know!"
Joanna: "Well, yeah. I suppose that's a thought."
[All of a sudden, the van explodes. Killing the policeman inside it.]
Alan: "Oh, my fucksy!"
Joanna: "You twat!"

And..From the alternate ending!!

Back in the sea, Alan and Joanna are still holding onto the boy.]
Alan: "Will you eat my winkle?"
Joanna: "No, I'll cut it off and throw it to the gulls."
Alan: "Oh, fon't throw my winkle to the gulls!"

Oh, my, she's legendary and, yeah, she does have so many classic lines. Can't believe there wasn't a thread like this before! :o Confound us!

JOANNA TO SUE: "I am in; are you blind as well as Scottish?"

Joanna: "I think this present needs returning. If you could er…pop down to Dr. Statham’s office and chuck it in through the door. Yeah, yeah, finger on top. Carefully, carefully, carefully."

Joanna: "You think Travis is sad do you? Hmm…" [Joanna takes a glass of water and puts her iPod in it.] "There, bet you’re sad now."


Joanna: "What about top arsehole?"



Ohhh My Joanna Rukes she is just Awesome!! :lol:

:lol: she does indeed!

:lol:

Thanks for those Jessop.

Joanna: "No. No! Not until you do your forfeit." [Joanna then starts to drive off, with Alan chasing behind. She laughs.] "Come on, then, you bandy-legged scrote. See if you can keep up."

"Fucking Chickun" :lol:

"Nobody’s going to know you’ve got a 48 year old foofy"