Although this works as a stand-alone fic, it does carry on from Episode Neuf, at the end of which - Caro and Mac got married, Guy was devastated and ran away. Mac died just after he heard Caroline was pregnant and two years later Guy returned to meet Caroline and her daughter Valerie with his son Mackenzie after Holly commited suicide. If that makes any sense whatsoever.

14 years later...and i'll start with a sing-song.

Well sometimes I go out by myself
And I look across the water
And I think of all the things, what you're doing
And in my head I make a picture

Cos since I've come on home,
Well my body's been a mess
And I've missed your ginger hair
And the way you like to dress
Won't you come on over
Stop making a fool out of me
Why won't you come on over Valerie?


*Splat* After at least five minutes of squeezing, it was an immensely satisfying moment when the spot finally popped and she reached up to wipe the mirror clean; just as someone hammered on the door furiously for the seventeenth time in a row.

“Val! Not funny anymore. I warn you now; I’ll go and piss on the floor! IN YOUR ROOM!”

She laughed wickedly. “Ok Dad, just give me a sec. And you’d better not piss on the floor in any room or Mum will start throwing your stuff into the garden again. Remember last time when your Noel Coward-style dressing gown got stuck in Mrs Piggots decking and she thought it was Mums best evening dress?”

Valerie MacCartney critically surveyed her reflection in a now slightly smeared mirror. The revealing white t-shirt displayed blooming curves pulled tightly over some fitted black jeans. Tossing back her head she ran her fingers impatiently through some pesky knots in her lengthy, flowing mane of hair. Her mum had always called it russet but she preferred rust, sounded far more edgy. Her dad refused to believe it wasn’t ginger.

Smiling cheekily into the mirror, Val expertly adjusted the lip ring with her tongue. This glinting band of silver was her most prized possession, and coincidentally (yeah right) the one her parents most despised. Finally, she picked up the battered leather jacket from where it had been slung loosely over the towel rail and slipped into it before opening the door.

“Finally! Hello baby, how are you this morning?” Guy leaned forward to kiss Val on the head, an old habit which, at 15 years old, he feared she would not put up with for very much longer. “Going to hang with some friends in all the hip and happening places? The mortuary perhaps?” He raised an eyebrow sarcastically and relaxed when he saw that he could still make her laugh. “Do you really have to skewer yourself with metal screws? Nobody needs that many holes surely. And you know your mother and I…well your mother at least, think’s that it might attract the wrong attention. I just think you look like a prozzie.”

“Dad!” She shoved him in the chest reprovingly. “Did Mum put you up to this? I’m sure by the end of the day, I’ll have been offered crack cocaine by about 30 different dealers and be a semi-professional mugger all because of one tiny little lip ring you can barely see. Wow I’m practically an anarchist!”

“Alright, alright you know you have my complete and utter faith my ginger princess. Now off you pop because your Daddy is desperate for a piss”

“Bollocks, I know you’ve got porn stashed in there Dad”

Guy grumbled slightly “Well if your mother hadn’t taken those bloody weekend shifts we wouldn’t have this problem would we?”

But Val had already sprinted off across the landing with both ears covered, humming as loudly as she could. This was her usual plan of attack whenever her parent’s sex life was mentioned. Which was alarmingly often. If they were normal they would realize that she DIDN’T WANT TO KNOW! Urgh god, parent-sex was just wrong.

Hehehe this looks funny!

*applauds ping pong*

Wahey!

I likey. I like how Guy treats Mac's daughter as his own :)

Aw yeah this is great and I am glad that the sad ending of the last fic is being sort of resolved in this one. If Mac HAD TO die then this is how I would like it to be. Please update soon!

:notworthy I love this fic already! Can you please keep it all happy and cute?

Yay! I love it already, Guy's so funny :D can't wait to read more

LOVE IT!!

AWWW guy is such a cool dad!!.... i love that he called her 'Ginger Princess' thats so sweet and adorable!

Aw, ta very much! Id better warn its not all going to be sweetness and light though, fics never are!


Not really looking where she was going, Val’s flight was abruptly halted when her big toe came into contact with a carelessly discarded flip flop. She swore under her breath and, after bending to pick up the offending object; flung open the bedroom door in front of her with a flourish. With deadly speed and accuracy the flip flop bounced off its owners head and landed straight in a tank of startled tropical fish with a splash.

“Oi Barbie, stop leaving your poncey beach-wear where anybody could fall over it. Nearly broke my bloody toe!”

Valerie’s step-brother blinked at her blearily, all tousled dark hair and sleep-filled eyes, wondering why there was now water all over his pillow and what on earth had just smacked him round the face.

“Don…Don’t call me that Val. You know I don’t like it”

“Well I’m sorry MACKENZIE, your mightiness, but I don’t particularly like having my extremities shattered either. Now get your lazy arse out of bed, you know perfectly well that Dads taking you to a Guyball tournament today. Which will be the highlight of your weekend I’m sure.”

Kenzie groaned slightly and snuggled further under the duvet. “Why can’t you go instead golden girl?”

“That’s precisely the point Tinkerbell – I’m a girl, I don’t have to. Thank god because I have better things to do with my time, seeing as I, unlike you, have a life. See ya later loser” Val slammed the door behind her as noisily as possible on her way out the room.

Kenzie groaned a second time and turned onto his front, burying his head into a slightly soggy pillow and screaming the silent scream of despair.

Hehe aww sibling love. This is such a good fic so please update as soon as can be!

Roflmao

Strange how Val and MAckenzie's relationship is so similar to MAc and Guy's...

OR is it just sibling rivalry?

Yeah, the opposite child resembles the opposite father...oooh...

Ohhhhh I heart it! More please. How we all luv sibling rivalry

I wouldnt know, am an only child. Its a bit rubbish. MORE!



Try as she might, Caroline could not concentrate on the operation in front of her. It didn’t really help that the surgeon on duty was Dr. Kepwell, known to everybody as Spud for a reason none of them could remember. His incessant chattering and unassailable cheeriness could probably distract a starving man from eating a triple-chocolate gateau.

“So then Margie said to me, Spud, she said, look at that will you? So I looked, and you know what? It was the most DELIGHTFUL little thing. All round and tubby like…”

You, thought Caroline, watching the strip light polish his smooth skull to an almost blindingly shiny surface. She could probably do her make up in the reflection from Spuds head. Oh damn, why had she agreed to take the weekend shift? She could be tucked up on the sofa now, watching Trisha, being pestered by her husband to go back to bed…

“and the Feathers! Satiny smooth, as if they’d been washed on a 40 degree cycle with some extra Comfort lavender fabric softener chucked in there for good measure. Bbbeeeeady little eyes, oh I can’t find the words to explain it! They sort of follow you wherever you go like this…look I’ll do an impression. You pretend you’re me Caroline and…”

She was worried about Val of course, as always. Her daughter just seemed to do as she pleased in the weekends, in fact, for most of the week as well. Guy was such a pushover with her, one look into those amber-coloured eyes, one charming grin, one “love you Daddy” and he was putty in her hands – a slave to her every whim. So it was left to Caroline to play bad cop, a job which she was outstandingly ill-equipped for, seeing as it was as much as she could do to even suggest the lip-ring monstrosity might be not such a fantastic and utterly practical idea after all. The fall-out from that argument had lasted months, as had the damage to the family kitchen. Even now Val still wouldn’t look her mother directly in the eye.

“BRWEEEEAK bwrerk bwerk bwerk. No, it was a little bit…more frantic than that. More of a BREEEK! Brekkybrekkybrekky. Yes that’s more like it, do you want to join in now?”

And then there was Mackenzie. Kenzie the dreamer, who you were never quite certain if he was in the room with you, or off in some magical fantasy land of his own, where tiny little elves waltzed round a spinning fountain of dreams. Kenzie the artist, who’d applied for Glasgow School of Art without telling his parents, and got in through a mixture of creative brilliance and otherworldly charm. Kenzie the failure, who’d disappointed his Father countless times, by being physically unable to play sport of any kind, including ping pong and tiddlywinks, by refusing to follow his parents into the medical profession – determinedly gaining a solid D grade in every science-related subject, and by having a highly original dress sense ranging from Mexican Ponchos to all-in-one lycra that did not represent a typical, testosterone filled male by any stretch of the imagination.

“It pecked my leg! Can you imagine!”

“Spud, it’s a chicken for god’s sakes, not the eighth wonder of the world”

“Ooh Mrs SM! Who put a bee in your bonnet today? Cheer up, it’s a beautiful morning…I mean I don’t know, but I would imagine, its all about putting a positive spin on a situation! Putting the hat right back on that sun! Turning that frown UPSIDE-DOWN!”

Caro giggled despite herself. Spud had recently been banned from the task of Giving Bad News to patients, on account of his inability to stop smiling for more than 7 seconds straight. People had been offended. Certain bald heads had been slapped.

aw just read this :D its really good

Yay!!

Mrs SM. Made me laugh . Great writing Hollie!!

Cheers Gabi! Will probs update this on thurs when back in Lanky...

:roflmao

I relaly wanted to know what that guy was talking about. :D

Ohhh i love it!! that last bit was esp funny!!!!

:notworthy I LOVE THIS! (Even if it is CarGuy ...) It's so funny and cute, and I really like how Val is oddly like Guy and Kenzie is oddly like Mac (well, to me). Post more soon. :D

Im really not happy with this chapter at all, sorry, i'll try harder next time!


The best thing about sketching was the sound - that grainy, slightly scratchy noise of the pencil etching your thoughts and dreams onto crisp white paper, and bringing them to shadowy life. A murky pool of water in a darkened hollow; a mysterious cloaked figure trailing their hand across its inky surface, ripples spreading out, swirling, growing stronger, more of a whirlpool now…deepening, dragging him inexorably closer to the source until he suddenly fell to earth with a bump. Winded, Kenzie opened his eyes and gazed about him in confusion. The hooded figure ignored him, continuing to peer into the murky depths of the pool thoughtfully. Unsteadily, Kenzie got to his feet and staggered slightly. Am I stoned? He wondered vaguely, cautiously approaching the strange figure by the pool, as this seemed the only logical course of action. Maybe I’ve just been reading too much Harry Potter he reasoned, as he tapped a rich velvet shoulder. The stranger froze, and then bolted for the mouth of the cave. Now they were both running, Kenzie could hear his own laboured breath echoing in his eardrums, shadows seemed to loom threateningly, unexplained objects underfoot determined to trip him up, he looked down and saw dozens of flip flops scattered randomly across the path. Bloody Val. There was a brick wall, a dead end in front of him, the looming figure stopped and turned, throwing back his hood…
“What the hell do you think your doing? Get back in the maison!”
“D..d dad?”
“No child of mine leaves their Woodstock unprotected and all their stickles on display! You must be the spawn of Satan! Get back evil one! What have you done with my child?? Huh?” Guy stormed up to Kenzie and began to push him out the way.
“No dad…don’t”

“Kenz! Oi Kenz, wake the hell up you lazy tart! Very important game today, and if you want to have the chance of playing even semi-amateurishly you’ll have to get your act together sharpish!”
Guy prodded his son for a fourth time. “Not dead are you? Come on I don’t want to have to deal with all that paperwork just yet…”
“Nah, still alive I think, morning dad”
“Morning! Have a temporary Topmiler!” pronounced Guy, sticking a waste paper bin still full of rubbish on his sons head, patting it once and walking out.

Dancing across to the toaster, Val shoved in a slice of bread and leafed through the post dismissively, bills…bills…postcard from Aunt Frankie in Benidorm with a picture of a lobster in a frilly bikini. Snorting with laughter, she flipped it over and read…

Alright Sis?
It’s bloody hot.
This lobster could probably be my twin, nice and crispy and causing my Dave to shell out more money than he can afford! It’s all good though, can just shove the kids in the pool all day and let them float around trying to drown each other while we have a kip.
How’s things your end? Is Guy, my favourite (only) brother-in-law still as much of knob as ever, god love him? And the bairns? Tell Val that I’m sorry I can’t make it back for her birthday but hoping you have a great day hinny. Tell Kenz to grow some balls.
Not missing you at all because I’m in Spain, working on me tan, and you’re in a hospital, probably working on someone’s hemorrhoids. Love ya
Frankie xxx

Val did miss her aunt; she was always game for a laugh, unlike her workaholic stressaholic, controlling bitch of a mother. Ooh look, some coloured envelopes addressed to her hiding at the bottom of the pile, must be birthday cards. Val couldn’t wait for her 16th to arrive – she would finally be allowed to get a job and start earning her way out of this hellhole. Glancing down at her watch, she noticed she was about ten minutes late, ah well, better make a move.

Slowing to a nonchalent stroll as she rounded the corner of their road, Val stuck her hands into her pockets and grinned at the leather-clad figure in front of her who was leaning against a huge motorbike, looking completely out of place in the suburban street.

Aw haha I laughed out loud about the temporary topmeiler bit :) can just imagine Guy doing that!!

My Hollie is very special in that her writing is always so in character that I'm amazed.

Mrs SM? Those are my initials :)

aww yay i love it :D

haha lobsterness! This is awesome. More bitte!

Doing my little catchy uppies!!!
Loving Guy and Caroline being together even if its not as focused on them as a couple but there family life defently sounds challengingt o say the least :lol:

Dont worry jess, therll be some couple-focusing soon! Just hav to fit writing around coursework...

Oh I likes it Hollie I likes it alot!

Hee hee yay I'm mentioned :P

Okay eventhough mac is dead and it's all worng I rather like this :D

Actually wrote something! Shock horror...



Taking off the helmet Val shook her hair back into place and threw it casually back to its owner.

“Cheers Zip” She made to walk off towards the hospital entrance

Zip looked rather perturbed. “Hey Val, babe, hold it a sec”

Val turned back to him rather angrily

“Don’t ever refer to me as your ‘babe’ Zip. We’re not in fucking LA. What do you want?”

“Where’s ma kiss ba…I mean…chick?”

“Chick? For gods sakes…here, look” Reluctantly, Val submitted herself to having her face enthusiastically sucked for a few minutes, occasionally checking her watch.

“Can I squeeze your tits?”

“No!”

“You even wearing a bra under that?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know. See you tomorrow Zips, the motorway yeah?”

“Aw Val, honey, I’m just not sure your ready for that kind of thing yet. I mean, it’s sorta dangerous, you know what with the speed and umm…other cars and shit”

“Really. I’d never have guessed. Cars? On a motorway? What’s the world coming too?” She wandered away muttering to herself “Just ‘cos you can’t find the bloody accelarator”

Val didn’t have much time for her boyfriend. He had all the charm, intelligence and sex appeal of a bogie. However, he did have a bike. What a bike – a Ducati 1098S, retro it maybe, but that was her kind of style. A blood red monster that Zip insisted could only make 150mph but, with the right handling, Val reckoned she could get it up to 180 easy. More than anything she loved to feel the wind whipping through her hair, her body thrilling with speed and power, the freedom of an open road. Shame she had that dunderhead prattling on in her ear all the time, surreptitiously fondling her during their driving lessons which were conducted in back lanes and forgotten fields. Maybe once she’d passed her test she could ‘accidentally’ tip him off the back, hopefully into a canal or down the side of a bloody steep cliff.

“Hey Marty”

“Heeey Val…ey”

“Valley? Do I look Welsh to you?”

Martin looked confused for a moment and then his face crumpled “Karen’s…great…great Uncle was Welsh!” he sobbed bitterly.

Val sighed in exasperation and put a comforting arm round his shoulders. “There, there. It has been 6 years Marty, don’t you think you should…move on? You know, maybe get a life? Stop wearing her perfume? That stink alone is enough to put anyone off, never mind the bald patch…or the snivelling…or the girly laugh…or…”

By this point Martins crying had reached quite embarrassing levels and Val began to back away swiftly, heading for the locker rooms where she hoped her mum would be packing up and in a good enough mood to offer her wonderful daughter a lift home. Striding along the corridor pretty much minding her own business it came as a bit of a shock to suddenly hear a cry of “HOOPLAAA” and inexplicably find a lasso tightening round her neck and the floor rushing to greet her with open arms. Oh god, this was going to hurt.

brilliant!

and that is so GW :D

*Clapsies* :roflmao That was awesome!! Bless Mary!!

:notworthy Love it!

Lol Jess, i just spent five unecessary minutes trying to work out who mary is! :lol:

:lol: Ooh sorry yeah, I meant Martin, Marty...not Mary sorry!! lol

LMAO at the Mary thing!

"Ooh, my f*cksie," this fic a-maaaaaaaaaaaazing!!! God, I love these characters you've created and, yeah, how funny it is that Val is like Guy and Kenzie is like Mac when they're not their kids! Coolness. You're not portaying teenagers very well but, I have to say, so perfectly (No offence to teenagers - I was one myself, after all - but the whole Kevin image and side of them is written so brilliantly in this).

I can never really picture an older Caroline or Guy or Mac or any of the characters so I'm just thinking of them as I read this like we know them. Hopefully, they won't have changed to much, anyway. Right?

Will there be any CarGuy smut in this? It would be v. interesting to read what it'd be like after they've been together fourteen years... That would be a bit different (hint, hint).

I really do love this. You write in a way that really grabs my attention and many others', I'm sure. I haven't actually read Episode Neuf yet (Sowwy :blush ) and I probably should have done that before reading this one but I started and I just couldn't stop.

You rule. MOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :notworthy :notworthy :notworthy :notworthy :notworthy

Last updated a MONTH ago? Cripes whats wrong with me? Steamrollering back into action now!

“Drink?”

Sue smiled winningly at the girl sitting in front of her nursing a sizeable bump on her head.

“Nasty fall you had there, should be more careful on that slippy li-no-le-um”

Val stared at her “You lassoed me and then dragged my body in here whilst I was unconscious! I wouldn’t say the fall was completely accidental.”

Sue pressed her button on the side of her desk and with a smooth brr-ing noise the desk slid in half to reveal a well-stocked mini bar.

“Brandy?”

“No! You crazy old bint”

“Ah I see, after something a little fruitier. Well let’s see what we can rustle up for you…Harvey Wallbanger? Sea Breeze? Flirtini?”

“Any hope of me leaving without a drink?”

“Not a chance”

“Right well…I guess I’ll have a diet coke then…”

Without warning the door was flung open and Joanna strolled in. She launched some files in Sue’s general direction, who caught them deftly in a butterfly net before busying herself with ice buckets and lemon juicers.

“Think you can manage to sort out those for tomorrow? It’s about that bloody Christmas party. Frankly I’d rather have an entire turkey carcass shoved up my nostril then watch a load of porters and toilet cleaners getting pissed and dancing to Grease megamix again. Pint of cyanide please.”

“We’re fresh out”

“Well I’ll nick some from upstairs and slip it into tonight’s casserole. Better for us both to die young than suffer another festive fiasco. Well one of us younger than the other. See you later wrinkled hag”

Sue nodded distractedly “Villainous wench”

Val blinked up at Sue as she was handed her drink “How long have you two been married now then?”

“13 glorious years coming up. You know, you look more like your Daddy everyday little Maclet…oops. I wasn’t supposed to mention that was I? Slip of the tongue. Silly me”

Val’s eyes widened in shock “W…what did you just call me? My dad…you can tell me about my dad?!” she stood up quickly and grabbed Sue by the scruff of the neck. Sue tried to sniff her hair.

“What do you know about my father? Tell me everything!”

“Well…I…we…he…”

The door burst open for a second time and Caroline entered the room looking panicky.

“I told you to stay away from my daughter! Get...get away from that thing Val…it probably bites. What have you said to her?!”

“Nothing! For your information Dr. Trodd, Valerie came to visit ME, perhaps she has problems she wanted to talk about, broken home… a controlling mother perhaps...maybe…perhaps” Sue sipped from a martini glass and smacked her lips “Ooh bit tart that”

Caroline looked affronted “I’m not controlling…Val go and get in the car”

Val raised her eyebrows sarcastically.

“Car. Now”

“Alright alright I’m going, no need to get in a rage Adolf” Val mock saluted her mother as she marched out the room.

Sue smirked at Caroline’s drained face. “Heil” she muttered with some glee.



More tomorrow

Yay! It's back! I missed it greatly. You had Sue absolutely SPOT ON there...loved it to bits!! Catching the files in the butterfly net is so Sue hahaha

hahahha I love the Marty bit, and the whole Sue scene and that you've got Sue and Joanna married :lol: Ohhhh I want to try a flirtini :)

even though there's no Mac, I do like this fic it's fun :)

Sue-Joanna married awesome!!!

lol i love the little Adolf bit!!!

Maclet Grrr!

Hollie I LOVE IT!!!!! Love the relationship between Caro and Val. It is very real and this fic made me Laugh out loud. More plllleeease