A while back, I started to write a diary for Mac, but then I kind of lost track, so I decided to write a new one!
Set around the Special

__________________________

Sunday 17th: Weeks spent at parents, 3. Number of times telling mother things will be ok, I’ve lost count. Family members asking me if I’m "doing alright," again, lost count. Hours spent thinking about "what ifs", too many. When I go back to the hospital, tomorrow. f*ck.

7 a.m.: Bloody cat woke me up - again. I am becoming more and more paranoid about tomorrow. And scared. And petrified and did I mention paranoid? And it’s Angela’s funeral tomorrow. I hope I make it in time. I keep thinking about the awfully horrible thing I did 3 weeks ago. f*ck, f*ck and f*ck. I am an absolute git. Honestly. A complete and total git. Most probably the biggest git in the whole world. And now mum is calling me.

2 p.m.: Family insisted on having a large meal before I go tomorrow. Luckily, I have been able to escape the madness for a while. Everyone who I had to greet said the same thing, “Is everything going ok?” Then they did the sympathetic head nod. It is nice of them all to care so much, but it just makes me feel even more twatted than I do! Better go back downstairs, otherwise they might think I’ve dropped down dead already.

8 p.m.: Dinner went alright. Had to calm mother down several times, telling her that it will be ok. Dad decided to get completely pissed with a bunch of relatives and now they are all passed out in the living room. Oh God, tomorrow is coming closer to quickly. I’d better get to bed soon seeing as I have to get up at about 5 a.m. Oh joy.

10 p.m.: Can’t sleep. I seriously am fucked. I want, no, need a drink, but I know I shouldn’t…

1 a.m.: Blurry fluck. Waht am I dofing?!

Wow! Pingu its fantastic! BJD Green wing stylee! I love it this much :heart :heart :heart :heart :heart :heart :heart :heart Its also a ridiculous time in the morning and i should be asleep.

I love it!

Mooooooore? :D

yaaaaaaaay! gomac!! gomacsdiary and GETTING CAROLINE BACk.

Yes! Getting Caroline back with a bananry kiss. :wub:

:lol: thanks for all your comments :) I'll try and put some more up today :)

hehe fantastic please update A.S.A.P :P

Monday 18th: Number of hangovers, 1. Pain killers taken, 3. Number of small panic attacks, 7.

6 a.m.: Shit! Have huge hangover and I’m going to be late for Angela’s funeral. f*ck. I have to thank the cat this time for waking me up. I would probably still be asleep if it hadn’t. Oh God. I am doomed. Today will be completely melancholic and f*ck knows what I’m going to do tomorrow at the hospital! Thank God for mother making me pack my bags in advance. Why did I drink so much last night? Why am I so fucking stupid?! I’d better leave now otherwise I will be extremely late!


Bollocks. I was late. Fan bloody tastic. I feel so selfish. If I hadn’t drunk so much last night I would have woken up and left on time. I saw everyone again today. It felt odd. Boyce was carrying Sue around whilst she was throwing petals everywhere, Martin ran over to get me but, bless him, he tripped over. And then Guy was all over Caroline. Not a nice sight to see. I have a slight suspicion that there is something going on between those two. I really had enough then so I decided to leave. I really should have helped Martin though. Shit I should have stayed longer than I did. Caroline probably thinks I’m even more of a twat now. I really should tell her why I have been a right prick, but I can’t. Being the coward I am I just left and I bloody hate myself for it. I’m never going to get over her am I? I mean how am I supposed to when she is all I think about. And how am I supposed to when I fucking love her? What am I going to do tomorrow? Should I just stay at my flat, or should I drive all the way back to my parent’s or should I just turn up and act like everything is normal? It’s ridiculous. I’m a doctor, for God’s sake. Part of my job is making quick decisions. WHAT SHOULD I DO?! Oh God. Oh God. I can’t believe it. I can’t believe it. I really need to stop mentally repeating myself or I will go insane and if that happens Caroline defiantly won’t want to be near me. I’m defiantly not going to the hospital today…

9 p.m.: Well this evening has been eventful. Listened to a load of old messages on my answer phone machine, most from my mother checking to see if things were fine. I had quite a few from Guy, but I didn’t understand half of them because he was obviously pissed out of his head. Had one from Boyce and several from Martin. Sue had even left me one.
“Why won’t daddy answer his phone? Your darling baby needs to see you now.” Then she sounded like she was attempting to snog the phone and I think I heard a roar. Then she continued saying, “Take me now.” I really should talk to her about her obsession.
I had a few from Caroline too. “Hi Mac. It’s me. Me being Caroline. You wouldn’t answer your mobile so, well, maybe you’re at home. Just wondering where you are.”
Fuckity f*ck.
“Hello. It’s Caroline. Well I’m wondering if you are all right. You aren’t answering your mobile. I’ve been here for a while now. You’re not here. Well obviously you know that because if you were here I wouldn’t be calling.”
I think I need a drink. One won’t hurt I suppose.

10 p.m.: Raelly shdulnt have drinken. Will turn intto an alchoholic. Shit.

Argh I love it so much! Please update soon, although I am becoming a bit greedy for fanfics lately...I feel so so sorry for Mac

I love the idea that Mac's not really as cool and collected as he pretends to be :) hope you keep writing this, it's fantastic!

ohh he is actually the male briget!!!! love him love him now get him to caroline QUICK before he becomes an alkie!!

:lol:

cheers for all your comments :)
in the process of typing more!

Hoorah hoorah! I am looking forward to it, will it be up tonight?

yes, please can we have some fic tonght? I have chocolate cake and top gear is back on, more of this would just make my evening perfect :D

Yay Top Gear with The Hamster and then Waking the Dead. More Mac's diary would be good to. :thumbsup

Horray!!! More please. :notworthy

more please :D

thank you for your comments :)
Don't think I will be able to put more up tonight sorry! Should do tomorrow though!

<_< Damn your furry face.
I'm really enjoying this so far - Mac is so lovely. :wub:

:o
you take it back! :P

:lol: thankies!

Tuesday 19th: Hangovers, 1, but not as bad as yesterdays. Hurrah!

Today I will *:

• Get out of bed - eventually.
• Go to the hospital.
• Talk to Caroline.

Today I won’t **:

• Get pissed.
• Think about Caroline constantly.
• Be a complete twat/make a fool of myself around Caroline.

* What I don’t really want to do.
** What probably will happen.

6 a.m.: The dreaded day has arrived. Shit. Will get out of bed in 5 mins.

6.30 a.m.: I really should get out of bed now.

6.45 a.m.: Right I am getting out now.
Jesus it’s fucking freezing in this flat! Will go and eat breakfast and OH MY f*ck. I need to wash my hair!

10.00 a.m.: Shit. Wish I hadn’t come in today. And also some fucker has used up all the maritime in the staff room. Grr. Anyway, it was bloody awful. As soon as I got here Caroline walked over towards me and I looked right into her eyes and my stomach did a little flippy thing. It was very awkward though. I said I wasn’t going to make a fool out of myself around Caroline but oh-ho-ho I did just that. I bloody knew I would. Mick Hucknall? Why the f*ck did I say that?! She asked why I was back early, so I just told her that I loved my work and couldn’t keep away… Made yet again a twat out of myself by trying to say something complimentary. We then walked into the hospital and it reminded me when we kissed. She was wearing the same jacket… Right, well then we were silent for a bit, but then she asked, and I just thought f*ck. I seriously thought my heart was about to burst. So I just said it was a “family matter.” I sighed with relief when she went, but then she came running back and said that I forgot to meet her at the station. I just said that I tried to call her, but she then chipped in saying, “engaged was I?” I really wanted to tell her. What is fucking wrong with me. I then tried to think of an excuse, but I think she knew I was struggling to think of one. She just told me to forget it, but I fucking can’t! I was a bit baffled after that. She then said that there was a “big thing” that happened in the hospital and that Guy would want to tell me.
And oh SHIT.
SHITY SHIT SHIT.
They are engaged.

:yeeay yay more!! but POOOR MAC!!! get a wedge between them boy...
love it pingu!

eeep
moree please :D

:lol: luv it

Oh, I love this - seeing the special from Mac's prespective is so cool. :notworthy

i love the fact he can swear easily in his diary, but not verbally!

yay!! Loving the insecureish Mac!

ooooh, more pleeease, pretty please?

Thankies for your comments :D Only a short bit;
________________________

1.00 p.m.: Well that was brilliant wasn’t it? Seeing Guy shove his tongue down Caroline’s throat several times. Saw Martin again and he was pleased to see me. Guy didn’t seem to give a toss, but what do you expect eh? He’s been rubbing it in my face that he is engaged to her. He doesn’t fucking deserve her! I felt physically sick seeing those to kiss and I felt like my heart had just been ripped out and stamped on. Managed to get away by saying I was going to “cut people up” but I wasn’t really and I think Martin knew that too. I have to be in theatre soon and I am petrified.
Why did I come back today? Why did I come back at all? What is the fucking point of anything anymore?! I mean what would be the fucking use of me marrying Caroline anyway? I’ll be dead soon. She doesn’t deserve that to happen to her. I need to accept the fact that she is marrying Guy and somehow, I need to move on – fast. But I can’t do that. How can I forget about the person who I love most in my life like that?

:cry
my poor baby!
*hugs computer screen*

*shoves Debbie off the PC Screen* he's my baby so hand's off.

Aww wasn't that sweet, Mac noticing that Caroline was wearing the same jacket in the same corridor. :wub:

Argh this is too sad for words. It was sad enough watching it but hearing it from Mac's perspective is all the more tear jerking. Please update soon and even go beyond the end so he can find out he's not dying. I love it - please update soon!!

poor mac make it BETTER pingu u are cruel :cry

*Sue gasp* :o

fear not :rude

MAKE THE PAIN STOP :eep

Oh guys seriously, you all know how the special goes, it's gunna end all on a high (literally).

This is fabby Pingu!! I love insecure Mac!!

3.00 p.m.: Well theatre was eventful. Operation went fine though. Guy started being a prat, making me feel even more down – no surprises there. Made me play “Mr. and Mrs”. He got a bit pissed off when Caroline said that she would go and say hello to her favourite celebrity – bit of an argument went on there…

4.00 p.m.: Oh Jesus. Finally got away from Sue – for good hopefully. She started to sing “I Can’t Help Falling In Love With You” by Elvis. Rather disturbing. She then made me put a gun in her mouth – even more disturbing. I told her that she could fall in love with someone else and who would love her back. I think she finally got the message. Thought I was doing to die of a heart attack when she shot her gun.

1.00 a.m.: Went to pbub. I knwow I will hve a fuking huge hangover tomorrrrorw. Told Guy I was dying. f*ck. Waht if he tells Caorline? Shit. Bet he will tell eberyone else too. Blollocks.

Eeek carry on! Carry on! Please do...this is such a great idea!

This is lovely! I think you've really gotten Mac's voice here! Me likie! :cookie

PLEASE post more soon!

I think it's wondeful...and as i'm love bridget jones and GW, it makes perfect sese that i'd absolutely love a fic that puts them both together...i love how it's going though the moments from the special...those are so the things i could imagine mac thought...

keep going... :cheer2