HEy guys, Celb BB is just a few days away and i thought I should bring you all into to the spirt. Everybody post who your are going to be, and write bits for your character in the post. People are gonna need to keep checking to see if they want to come in to the action.

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Davina: Hello and welcome BB7. You know I can't belive its here. Now there is something that big brother has been keeping from you, and now for the first time the secret is being unraveled! Now, normally the housemates will not know eachother, but this big brother will be special. All of our soon to be housemates are all from a hospital, and have some, should we say, complex relationships. Now...*she puts a hand to her ear piece* yes I belive we are ready for the first housemate. His name is Guy, and he enjoyes woman, and world championship games of guyball. I wonder wether he will be practising... what ever that is in the house. Lets here it for GUY!!!

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Ok when I mention who ever you want your character to be (all of the GW characters inc office girls, jake and lyndon are welcome) say how you are going to walk in, what you are wareing etc .bye for now.

A limo rolls up, its windows are wide open and Guy is standing with his head and torso poking out of the sky light: "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Davina raises an eyebrow. Guy leaps from the skylight not bothering about the door and collapses onto the floor, he winces but won't let a twisted ankle put him off! He jogs through the crowd pulling out a huge swiss flag and letting it fly out in the wind behind him. He bounces up to the platform bends Davina backwards and kisses her squarely on the lips. Then without waiting for a response vaults the edge of the stairs and enters the house, as runs he shouts over his shoulder; "HEY ALL GINGOS: f*ck OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Davina: That was... interesting. Ok viewers is housemate time. Now this guy is so cool he only has one name. He's Mac, He's cute and I must say has gorgoues long hair! Mac enjoyes cutting people up and in his spare time listens to the Kinks. He is still looking for Miss right so you never no ladies. ITS MAC!!!!

the sounds of what sounds like an exploding exhaust pipe reach the crowd long before the swerving figure of a man on a broken scooter weaves drunkenly into view. everyone is confused- surely this is not this Macartney fellow, all coolness and JAcuzzi motorbikes? But
all is explained as MARTIN draws closer and it is evident his helmet is on backwards. he falls, rather than gets off the scooter, landing in a pathetic little heap at Davina's feet. she leans down and says, sotto voce,
"Channel 4's Celeb motorbike school is over at studio one, love." he stands up, wobbling, like a baby deer learning to walk and, if it hadn't been for his helmet, would have looked rather dashing, chest puffed out, shirt sticking regally out of his flies.
"No! I'm here for the big brother! and my name is MAaart-" his fanfare for himself is broken off as he trips backwards over his own long trailing doctors coat, visible under the motorcycle jacket over the top. he ends in a pathetic little whine, pulling off the helmet, face blackened by soot and clothes coveered in dust. "-ttin."

he lopes off, head bowed, towards the door of the house and knocks himself out as he tries to push it open- despite the clear sign stating, simply-

Pull.

:roflmao :roflmao :roflmao Genius!

:roflmao :roflmao :roflmao genius!!!! love it!!!!!!!

whos gonna be mac then? come on, people!

Davina:Right... This is Martin....*holds her head set agen and frowns* Audience we gonna take a short break but join us in four when we will be back here and seeing Martin enter the house.

the big brother theme music goes and Davina runs down to Martin.

Davina : What the f*ck are you doing! Ohh.. just get back up on your scooter and try not to fall over again.

Martin started to cry.

Davina: Ohh every year with the looneys. Last year Shabazz and now this.. And we're back. Martin dear everbody!*she ushered Martin down the walkway* Martin likes to yoyo for hours on end, and hanging out with his friends. IT'S MARTIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Martin: *sniffle* *stumble*

Davina:*wipes her brow* Well that was fun wasn't it. Right I think it's time for some woman presence.*she looks up at the big screen of the house and Guy has just lifted Martin of a water bed then Guy has jumped on it for him self* Ohh dear. Now coming up next is Caroline. She is quite the woman most wanted and loves relaxing with a jumbo snickers and a good film, no cats aloud.. IT'S CAROLINE!!!!!!

Caroline comes out a car quietly and trips over.
"Shit."
She starts walking towards Davina, whilst fiddling with her hair clip with one hand and give a small wave with her other hand.
"H-hello everyone."
"Is she a man?" Someone from the audience shouts out which causes people to start laughing.
"Trannie!"
She walks backwards into the house, blushing imensely, giving a small wave before the door closes, but trips over again on the first step.
"Bollocking shit bags!"

Davina:I have been told to appoligise for the language, as it is not yet 9pm but thas what happens with live tv... Anyway, I think if feel another housemate coming on! What do you think? *croud cheers wildly, one pair of knickers falls onto the platform* For me, or maybe for our next house mate. He's tall, he's sexy hes Boyce!! Boyce enjoyes drinking with his girlfriend, and the occaisnal games of poker. Watch out for this hotshot, ITS BOYCE!

Boyce wondered if throwing flyers, with a picture of Dr Statham in a nurses outfit and labelled ‘Nurse Statham – She Likes It Hard And Fast’ with Statham’s office number, into the crowd, was a bit too much. He looked down at the paper again. Nah. After all it was to be expected.

As the limousine pulled to a halt Boyce checked his appearance in the shiny reflective surface of the limo’s drinks holder, and clambered out of the car. Should he smile? He decided against it, after all the kind of stern look was so much sexier for him. So, lifting his eyebrows just a little in what he decided was a nonchalant, suave manner, and pouting… just a little, he made his way down the carpet. Stopping every so often to shake hands with screaming girls and chuck the said flyers into the crowd.

However as he approached the platform Davina was standing on he caught site of the TV cameras and so held up one of the flyers, which was then enlarged on the massive screen to the side of the crowd. This was the life. Everyone could see it, and it was so very, very easy.

Continuing up the steps he pecked Davina on the cheek with a small smile, “Looking lovely!” and made his way up to the door the house, where he stood up, and blew one huge kiss, Italian style, to the crowd and entered the house. One spare flyer in hand to give to the infamous ‘Nurse Statham’.

:roflmao Brilliant first post!

*hey guys. Action in the house will start asap. If any characters you particualry want to include, just pm me and I will put them in. (Mac, Stathem and Joanna are coming soon)and I will be doing Sue's stuff because she is awesome!*

Davina:Ok what do you say to another HOUSEMATE?*audince cheers* All right lets get her out.*Screams errupt from the audience as a bearded lady parachutes from the sky, blowing a trumput, occasianly pausing to scream:"LION BOY COME TO MUMMA!!" Davina is struggeling not to laugh.* Err.. Th... This is Sue, and she enjoys... she enjoys snorceling and emercing her head in cake. She also wishes to tell her son; Simba she loves him and daddy will be home soon. ITS SUE!

Sue:*she runs up the carpet and plants a large sucking kiss on Davina, before leaving she feels her breasts and plunges her head in between them* God bless you.

Davina: Ok now for a peak on the house, Sue gets her welcome and Guy is stirring up trouble. Oh I love this show!

Geordie Voice over.: 10:20 pm. The housemates are all gathered in the lounge talking. Boyce and Guy have been by the sink for 8 minutes.

*over to you Matches and TS*

Guy looks over at Boyce, his eyebrows are raised... "How was your entrance? I got complete silence for mine! Yeah that's right COOOOOOOOMMMMPPPPPPLLLLLLLEEEEEEETTTTTTTEEEEE silence!" He leans against the wall nonchalantly and gazes up at Boyce, "I think that says a little about moi! OH NO SHIT THAT SOUNDS GAY!" He turns to the closest camera: "I'M NOT GAY!"

Boyce raised an eyebrow slightly at Guy's little outburst and then said, "Uh huh - I bet," as the other man proceeded to yell at the camera. As Guy turned back around he placed a hand on his shoulder lightly and said, in mock consolation, "Keep telling yourself that, and maybe you'll start to believe it..." with that sentence, and a small smile to himself he moved away to talk to Martin.

Guy did the human equivalent of ruffling his feathers then turned to the camera and mouthed: "I'm not!" He then left the bathroom punching Martin in the arm as he did so.

Sue: Oh doctor Secratan, I see your here. Well let me tell you something, if you think your gonna get your hands on my Dr Trodd you have another thing coming. Remeber I see and know everything. And I couldn't help hearing the remark about your... sexuality. Well up till now I wasn't sure but now... I'm sure Boyce wouldn't say no to using his poker up your back door.

THIS IS BIG BROTHER WOULD SUE COME TO THE DIARY ROOM

Sue:*she stuck her tongue out at Guy, and mimed licking balls by cupping both of her hands then stalks off to the black and silver door. She waits for several seconds before attempting to get in by climbing the wall*

THIS IS BIG BROTHER WOULD SUE PLEASE STOP CLIMBING THE WALL AND PRESS THE RED EYE TO ENTER THE DIARY ROOM

Sue: Oh FACK OFFFF.*She angrily presses the eye and enters the diary room*

SUE DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHY YOU HAVE BEEN CALLED TO THE DIARY ROOM?

Sue: No, and to be honest I don’t really care, now *she gets up and tries to force the door open* I'm a celebrity get me out of here!!!

SUE BIG BROTHER IS AFRAID THAT WHAT YOU ARE REQUESTING COMES FROM THE WRONG TELEVISION PROGRAM. NOW AT 10:11 PM, YOU WERE HEARD IN A CONVOSATION WITH GUY, SAYING H DOCTOR SECRATAN, I SEE YOUR HERE. WELL LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, IF YOU THINK YOUR GONNA GET YOUR HANDS ON MY DR TRODD YOU HAVE ANOTHER THING COMING. REMEBER I SEE AND KNOW EVERYTHING. AND I COULDN'T HELP HEARING THE REMARK ABOUT YOUR... SEXUALITY. WELL UP TILL NOW I WASN'T SURE BUT NOW... I'M SURE BOYCE WOULDN'T SAY NO TO USING HIS POKER UP YOUR BACK DOOR. THIS THREATENING BEHAVIOUR WILL NOT BE TOLERATED AND IF

Sue: Well everybody knows he's a little gay, believe me he didn't get turned on by my floosie so....

ANYMORE OF THIS BEHAVIOUR CONTINUES YOU WILL BE EVICTED IMMEATEATLY IS THAT UNDERSTOOD.

Sue: Well I suppose so and can I just ask one teensy tiny question?

YES

Sue: Were is my lion?

Geordie Voice over: Guy and Caroline have been talking in the bathroom for 2 minutes.

MARTIN: *whispers* no, camera, this isnt the bathroom! this is how i've decorated my room! i feel safer this way. A bathroom is the only place i ever had real physical contat with caroline todd. the bathroom's over the-

(camera quickly switches onto a shot of guy and caroline)

Guy is staring wide eyed over at Caroline, "So your saying that... camels store fat NOT water in their humps? WOW, you know you really are, very intelligent..." he goes off into private fantasy world and then turns back to her, "Oh I forgot to say... got you a present! He dives into a bag he's carrying and brings out a silver and red crown with the letter C shape cut into the cardboard. It looks exactly like his old crown of confidence apart from the letter. He smiles sheepishly "Do you like it?"

HeHe this is pure genious...if poss tell me when you're adding in Mac or sum1 so i can be him...or som1 else if he's taken :D:D:D:D:D thanking u muchly

Geordie Voice over: 1035 pm. Caroline and Guy have been on the waterbed for 5 minutes.

Sue *enters with an over sized megaphone* STOP THAT STOP THAT RIGHT NOW. I don't want your excuses.GET of my bed.Go!Go! GO run along minions. Dr Trodd I will see you later *she gives an over exagerated wink. As the two leave the room wispering, Sue lanches her self at the bed, and moves her body overit, making it vibate.*Ah thats the ticket. *she begins to sing in an opratic style*

THIS IS BIG BROTHER. WOULD MARTIN COME TO THE DIARY ROOM.

*Martin sprints to the diary room and can't work out to open it. He sees the camera's following his every move and shakes his fist unconvinsingly at them.Finally he works it out and stumbles into the chair. He says nothing as he sits, simply sits down gauping, not closing his mouth*

HELLO MARTIN. BIG BROTHER HAS CALLED YOU TO THE DIRARY ROOM FOR A SPECIAL REASON...

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And this my friends is were I leave this convo.
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Davina: *the camera faces her and she is still watching the screen, putting her hand to her ear she jumps into action. Litteraly*Well wasn't that something, can bearly take my eyes off them. That Sue is... interesting. I LOVE IT!! And now for some more housemates. Now never before has this happened on Big Brother before, but now 2 house mates are going to enter at the same time. I can feel the exitement here! Now these two stories have been reached about this next 'couple'. One says they are an item and one is unwilling to say anything. Now one of them enjoys bird watching and the other having long drinks in the pub on a saturday. ITS JOANNA AND ALAN!!!!!!

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Who ever takes Stathem and Joanna can play both as it may be eaiser. Other wise just ask someone to take one part

HeHe this is gunna b such a fun/funni fic :worship2

MArtin sits patiently, kicking his heels against the wall and finally pulling out a long bit of sting. humming to himself he proceeds to make pretty patterns with it, tying various knots until it resembles a FACE.

he looks into the face's eyes...
'H-hello Caroline!! Would you l'like a ride on my....scooter?' the face nods happily and he pats it on the head. little does he know the blaspheming taking place on the waterbed...

he hears a noise and fumbles with the face, stuffing it back into his pocket and looking round nervously.

Geordie Voice over: 1043 PM. Sue, Guy and Joanna are in the kitchin preparing dinner.

Sue:Well isn't this a happy family time. Smile for the camera!CLICK. *she picks up two baby tomatoes* So Dr. Secratan. Are these you, colour included?Or am I confusing you with my liony friend, size not included?

Martin enters the diaryroom clutching a tesco's bag. he looks around, checking the corners of the room, obviously not yet at home with the fact there are HIDDEN CAMERAS EVERYWHERE. he sets the bag down in the centre of the room and a piece of brihgt orange fabric is seen peeping out.

Caroline is in the bathroom

Caroline (screams to mirror): Oh God. Why am I here?! And why can't I have nicotine when I need it?!! I NEED IT! I’d like to meet a nice man - please. None of these fuckwits or perverts.

:roflmao omg this is brilliant!!!!

hehe loving it...bring on more posts so i can read them :D

Sue: Hello Caroline...Oh don't tell me you've brocken all ready. PULL YOURSELLF TOGETHER WOMAN! Ohhhh are we missing wee doctor Mac? MaccyMaccyMacMac?
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In the diary room

THANK YOU MARTIN. NOW IF YOU WILL GO THROUGH THE SECRET DOOR TO YOUR LEFT YOU WILL FIND DR MACARTNEY. GIVE HIM THE CLOTHES THEN LEAVE.

*Martin gets up gingerly and gathers the carrier bag. He pushes the hidden door open. Before he compleatly goes in he peeks back into the diary room with pleading, longing eyes. He braces him self up and heads into the room like a soldier going off for battle*

:roflmao

ha ha ha!!!!

please let it be a lion costume!

:lol:

hi! im joanna!

Joanna: get off me alan! *swats statham away with a dish cloth*

i'm Mac but i don't no when i should come in! B) cool eh lol

some one tell me so i dont miss my que! :D thanking u muchly

All the housemates have been locked in the living room

BIG BROTHER HOUSE THIS IS DAVINA. YOU ARE LIVE ON CHANNEL 4 PLEASE DO NOT SWEAR. NOW SOMETHING VERY SPECIAL WILL BE HAPPING IN A FEW MINUTES, THE VIEWERS AT HOME HAVE BEEN VOTING IN THEIR THOUSANDS, AND THEY HAVE DECIDED THAT THE VERY DISHEY DOCTOR MACARTNEY WILL ENTER THE HOUSE TONIGHT.BUT THERE IS A CATCH. IN ORDER FOR DR MACARTNEY TO ENTER, ONE OF YOU MUST LEAVE AND THAT PEROSON IS... YOU WILL FIND OUT IN AN HOURS TIME!

*******CANNOT WAIT AN HOUR!!!!!!**********

Caroline: Oh God. Please don't be me!

Sue: Well if were locked up in here for a while... Oh Martin!

Joanna: *takes a puff off her cigarette and notices Guy looking at her*
well dont look at me, im not fu*king leaving...
dishey doctor, ay? hmmmm...
*fiddles with her bra to make her boobs look bigger*

Sue: *glances down at her own breasts and cups and jiggles them* I don't think so