kairi was 14 year old and she waiting her two friend to come home at Destiny Islands and then kairi saw inflate fruit and kairi said "what a weird fruit cn i eat it or not? i'll pick eat it." kairi began to eat the inflate fruit and she was full she walk back to her house at Destiny Islands. On one day kairi feel funny and then kairi body began to inflate herself and she not going to boom she stuck in her inflate body form. over 1 years kairi was now 15 years old and she still stuck in her inflate body and then her inflate body form is deflate and return to her normal form.

the end

http://s8.invisionfree.com/FIR/index.php?showtopic=783

To put it blantly asI'm in that blunt harsh critic mode. It sucked. No story development, no details, it was just wee it happened, what the hell? It makes me want to bash my head into the keyboard...no offense but some people were meant to be writers and some were not, hence why I don't write stories. As for you sir put down the story pencil and take a few classes on creative writing then maybe try again.

love the non-usage of grammar it really speaks to the reader

hmmm I think speechjon needs to work on his English as for all I can tell English is not is native language.

I personally wonder if you have been know as "Cable" on another board, speechjohn... :huh:

If I were to truely comment on this, then I'd probably get banned for excessive meaness...

I'd say mine came close to getting a warning but the ager from him his stories and request stuff was rising to high.