I wrote this story, and I want some criticisaisms:

“Aww, my favorite James, You know I love the blue ones!” exclaimed Sarah. It was 3 days before Christmas, and James had gotten Sarah some of her some Blueberry flavored Candy canes for Christmas. Everyone knew that James and Sarah had been going for 8 months steady, and it was their first Christmas together.

“Now see what I got you for Christmas!” said Sarah to her sweetie as she pulled out a small wrapped Christmas gift. “I know you’ll like it” she said with a giggle. “To my sweetie, from your special someone,” read James. James slowly teared the wrapping away to reveal a DVD copy of “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”. “How did you know I loved this movie?” asked James. “Oh, I don’t know, a little birdy told me,” replied Sarah with a kinky looking smile.

“Sarah, come one down! Were opening gifts in 3 minutes!” yelled Sarah’s mom up the stairs. “Coming mom!” replied Sarah, as she jumped off her bed. But while Sarah was gracefully getting out of bed, she accidentally bumped her dresser, sending a pile of small gifts for friends, as well as the unopened box of Candy canes from James. James will be so mad if I don’t try his gift out before too long. It was then that Sarah made a mental note to try one after the festivities.

“Mom, can I please take a break? We’ve been opening presents for the past half-hour!” exclaimed Sarah, with a hint of irritation in her voice. “But Sarah, you haven’t even opened half your presents!” replied mom. “But mom…” answered Sarah. “Honey, let Sarah here take a break” chimed in Sarah’s father. “Ok dear, you can take a break” replied Sarah’s mother.

Sarah ran upstairs, through her door, and onto her bed. “I’ve never heard of Wonka brand candy-canes! I thought that was just in the movies!” said Sarah quietly to her self. She ripped open the box and began sucking on one of the candy canes. Wow, thought Sarah to herself, this is some pretty tasty stuff! Sarah was so engrossed in her candy canes, that she didn’t even notice her skin begin to turn blue. Yum! I gott have some more of this stuff. Sarah began sucking and sucking till she noticed a tightness in her belly.

Sarah looked down and notice that her stomach was huge! She looked like she was 9 months pregnant with quadruplets! And her big blue belly just kept growing and growing! It wasn’t before long that Sarah’s arms and legs began swelling as well. Her breasts now looked like small watermelons. She couldn’t think straight! Sarah tried to yell for help, but all her mouth would do was suck on the candy cane.
Sarah was growing pretty rotund now. Her clothing had barely been able to contain Sarah’s growing girth, but even they had their limits. Snap, and Sarah’s red tank top flew off. Rip, and Sarah’s new pajama pants she had gotten fro mone of her girlfriends went flying across the room.

Her arms and legs were slowly turning into cones. Sarah tried to look down, but then realized she couldn’t! Her beach ball sized breasts were restricting her movement. It finally hit her what was going on. Sarah tried her best to waddle to the door, but she only managed to fall flat on her growing stomach. She tried everything, she waved her knobby little hands, she tried rolling, but there was no way she was fitting her large frame through the door.

Sarah began to cry. She felt helpless and didn’t know what to do. She cried for a few minutes before she realized that the growing stopped. By this time, Sarah’s mom and dad downstairs began getting worried. They had called up to her several times and got no response. Dad slowly walked upstairs, and into Sarah’s room. “Holy Toledo!” screamed Sarah’s dad at the sight of his blueberry of a daughter. “What happened up here!” screamed her father! Through the sears, Sarah managed to say ”Damn James and his candy canes.”

Needless to say, Sarah was taken to the hospital for the squeezing. She finally returned to school after about a week of de-jucing, but nothing could be done about the blue of her complexion. Sarah became a laughing stock at school. She and her boyfriend separated.
The End, or is it?

Ya know guys, I would really like some critiques on this piece.

Interesting, and James seems like my kinda guy. i think that it's good, and if you continue it, it may do even better in the areas of professional critique.

I have to say it's a little weird, but definately a decent story.

i have seen this kind of story be fore as a comic. blue berry flavor and all. the only difference is that its during school.

this is pretty good though. i wouldn't mind more to it