Okay here's the thing. I've known my ex for about 3 years now and something went really wrong. I lost one of my best friends the same time I lost my first boyfriend.

When I first met him, it took me half of he school year to realize he was in the same room as me. He bearly ever talked! I can go into my own little world, sure but a tleast I participated in class. I made it my mission to become friends with him. At the time I was depressed and lonely so that was an easy mission. Let's just say every friend I thought I had pretty much left me in the dust when they switched classes, so when I went to jr.high well...

Anyway, I found out that my now ex had Asperger's. I didn't care 'cause I have ADHD. It actually made me feel good. As if I wasn't the only person who had a social disability.

Everything was going great & we started dating last Valentine's day. Right before Holloween this year though, everything fell apart. This started with his overprotective minipulative mother calling my mom and calling me a slut! :( I'm sorry I had to use that word but that is what she called me. That hurt terribly! I'm the farthest thing from a slut you can immagine! What hurt even worse was that she was acting all nice to my face.

His grandma had just died around then to and I didn't want to start a family fight when they would have to put up with each other driving to the west coast. So I didn't tell him what his mother had said until he got back, a week later. He said "Let's pretend this never happened." Let's pretend this never happened! :no: I couldn't do that! I couldn't bear to see his mom again. So I started hanging out with him less & with my friends more.

I still tried to help him in class and talk to him. He had some problems with my choice in friends. He thought they were picking on him and I wouldn't stand up for him. He also started thinking that I thought he was dumb. I know he's not! My mom, the psyhc major, told me that do be diagnosed with Asperger's you have to have a high IQ. He was even losing his temper and directing it at me. That wasn't the guy I liked. I knew something was wrong.

So he broke up with me in November over cell phone. He said the normal stuff. I had a swim banquet the next day and when I told my friend on varsity that night, she helped me out. As well as a friend who I had helped over a break up. It didn't hurt as bad as I thought it should have, because I had thought of breaking up with him.

Not too long before winter break started, I had gotten my FFX-2 game back from him & returned the books I barrowed though one of my really good friends. We were doing a lab and my friend went to ask a guy in my ex's group a question. My ex called her a whore 3 times and flicked her off! (I'm sorry again but that is exactly what he did.) After that I gave up on even being his friend again, which is all I wanted at the time.

I can tolerate people calling me names but you hurt one of my friends and you will face the wrath of Cori Rain! :mad:

I tried to confront him and my ex ran down the hall in the opposite direction. Avoiding me & pretty much ignoring me like he had since we broke up.

I'm over him now. I've moved on and am dating this cute polish guy.

What bugs me is that I don't know his exact reason for breaking up with me. My friends have asked, I have very curious friends, and they have all gotten different reasons. Why did he say those things to my friend? Did I change him from the sweet cute quiet guy I liked into a jerk? (Sorry, I can't think of a better word.) Something just doesn't feel right about all of this. :unsure:

Any questions, comments, or helpful ideas? I'm very confuseled about all of this and the thought that I might have turned him into a jerk is really eatting away at me. Help me out, please! :(

You may have some misconceptions about Aspergers, and this actually does sound like a typical case of relating to someone who has it. I have Aspergers myself, and so have firsthand knowledge of what it does and how it works.

Asperger's Syndrome is actually often described as a mild form of autism, and it is, but that's not really a complete description. It's more like Social Blindness.. the person who has it can't read people naturally, and so they tend to form misconceptions about what other people think or feel. They may feel hurt or picked on in situations others would consider normal, they may be cold and emotionless on the outside, and most generally react to uncomfortable social situations by simply avoiding them or avoiding talking about them (like, for example, his mother).

This sounds like what this guy did almost exactly. Unless you spell everything out, the person with Aspergers will probably misunderstand you and think something is wrong, and respond by avoiding you. When you pulled away from him a little, he probably assumed you didn't want him anymore and left it at that. He couldn't read between the lines or deal with strange social awkwardness. It's really hard for someone with Aspergers to handle a relationship. So when it became difficult for him, he took the easy way out, which is pretty stupid, but I doubt he knew any better. I did this kind of stupid crap all the time when I was younger, and didn't even realize that it was precisely that type of behavior that drove people away.

Try describing eyesight to someone who is blind.. that's like trying to describe feelings and emotions to someone with Aspergers. And just like the blind guy, they are likely to blunder around in relationships and social situations and not have the slightest clue where they are going or what they are doing. And of course, he probably thought you hated him, and so he avoided you and insulted your friends... all of this is in his head of course, but he doesn't realize it.

I hope this explains the probable reasons why he did what he did.

PS: High IQ and Aspergers aren't explicitly related. A diagnostic criteria for it states only that IQ must be average or higher. Below average IQ lumps the person into other Autistic-Spectrum disorders. There are smart people with Aspergers.. and complete morons with it too.

Well that helps quite a bit! My mom might be a pshyc major but let's face it, she's 50. Her information is a bit out of date. Maybe I should have double checked what she was saying. Thank you for the explanation.

If I had known that at the time, well I might have handled things a little differently. I mean at least now I know where he's coming from...& why he thinks our english teacher hates him.

I mean I see a lot of differnet mental problems in my family. I have ADHD, my grandpa definatly had ADHD (maybe he still does?), my favorite cousin is bipolar, & one of my youngest cousins is autistic. You think I would be used to this sort of stuff.

It sounds like you did the best you could given what you knew. Honestly, I doubt it would have turned out much different no matter what you did. That's not to say that people with Asperger's cannot date or have relationships, they just need to learn how to deal with social situations on an intellectual level, rather than have it come naturally. Unfortunately for your case, that kind of experience tends to come primarily with age. I didn't figure it out until I was maybe 22 or 23.

I'm glad you did though. Otherwise I don't know what I would have done. Probably just been confused for the rest of the school year.