this is only a preview and not finished. if you read this you have to post a comment I Get the feeling nobody likes it.


All the small things


“Night, Christy” Harry said while tucking his daughter, into bed Christy smiled and snuggled up with her stuffed owl, Hermione had bought her youngest the owl in America. Her parents had invited the whole family but, Christy had fallen severely ill.
So Harry stayed home with Christy, Hermione had argued saying that if the four of them, couldn’t not go, no one would go. She always worried whenever one of the girls was ill but he had demanded she’d go see her parents.
Who hadn’t seen their daughter, since Ambers eighth birthday. So much to Hermione's discretion, Harry and Christy stayed home in England.
While Hermione and Amber went away for three weeks, visiting the Granger’s in Manhattan, New York, Hermione phoned home every night. Checking on Christy’s progress, some nights Hermione cried her eyes out, with worry. And it hurt him to hear her cry like that, sometimes he had wished she was home so he could hold her as she cried.

“Night Daddy” Christy responded giving her father a bright smile, the same smile Hermione always gave him, and the girls a smile only for them, and no other.

Harry turned to walk out the door only to be called back by his. Daughter “Daddy, will you ask mummy to kiss me good night” chirped Christy, he smiled and kissed his daughters forehead
“I’ll go get her” responded Harry.

Harry closed the door behind him and walked into his and Hermione’s room, Hermione was sat at the dressing table drying her hair she had just got out of the shower, his eyes quickly travelled the length of her body which was only covered in a towel, god he loved her body.
“May I help you” mocked Hermione catching his gaze
“Christy would like you to kiss her goodnight” stuttered Harry, making Hermione giggle with delight. She loved it when he was acting like the shy school boy he once was.
Hermione got up from the chair pulled to the dressing table, and walked over to Harry “I’ll be right back” she whispered against his ear, in a deliberate seductive tone. Causing the hairs on the back of his neck to stand on end, he watched as left the room

I think you'll learn if you post more fanfics that often times people will read your fic but not respond. You shouldn't take that as people not liking your work since they may not have responded for a variety or reasons.

Anyway, on with your fic. Quickly, I went through it, and fixed the grammatical errors and the confusing spots. Here's what it looks like fixed:

You seem to be uncertain of when to use commas, so you should brush up on that a bit. Also, you have to make a new paragraph everytime a new person speaks.

Your writing can be a little bit confusing at times. I'm not sure if it's because you don't proofread, but if that's the case, proofreading is pivotal. If the reader can't understand what you're saying, then they may just give up.

Just to touch on the subtler writing nuances, you're very explicit. Try to leave a little bit more up to the reader. "Show, don't tell" is the golden rule of writing. However, if you're attempting to match J.K. Rowling's style since she herself did a whole lot of telling, I understand.

I would suggest the following: brush up on your grammar, proofread, and try to engage the reader. As of right now, there isn't a whole lot of story--understandable since this piece is very short. But that's just the thing. You should have more written before you post anything, or the reader will have a very fragmented experience.

Good luck with your writing. ^_^