I felt I needed to let out everything I can't say to my family or friends.(Real life friends, that is)

Well... my girlfriend(of 6 years) and I just broke up a few days ago, and right now I have this really uncomfortable feeling and I think talking about it with my family and friends probably wouldn't help in this situation. Just having someone to listen is probably the best solution for me right now.

I've been thinking very hard on what happened; the reason for our breaking up. And I think I found it. No. I've known what it was all along. I've known that it would turn out this way for a long time now; I think we both knew. But I still have to let all of this out.

I'll have to start from the very beginning for it to make any sense, so this thread might be a bit lengthy, but thank you very much in advance to those who'll read the entire thing.

Well, my girlfriend and I had been going out since Oct. 22, 2001, Sophomore year in highschool for us. We didn't actually know each other too well back then, and it was basically the start of both of our first real relationship, but of course we were young and had no idea that we would make it so far and become so close.

My first mistake(Although I don't consider it one) was asking her out in the first place. The reason it would be considered a mistake to some would be because of my religion. I was raised in a strict religion most popular in the Philippines(Iglesia). My religion is very strict against dating/courting and marrying people that aren't a part of the church. I knew this full well and had asked her out anyway. So as you can imagine our relationship from the very start was already standing on thin ice.

Since this was the first real relationship for both of us, we took it very slow. I believe our first kiss was actually a month or so from when I first asked her out. It still stands vivid in my mind. My heart was beating so fast I could feel it in my fingertips and I was struck by a really warm and numb sensation all over my body. I'm guessing that's how all first kisses are. Anyway, soon afterwards we already got into the habit of being with each other every moment we could during school. We would eat lunch together and write letters to each other.(Although I didn't write nearly as many letters to her as she wrote to me) Yeah, I know, writing letters when you see each other almost every day seems rather useless.(But I've kept them all safe so they actually make a nice keepsake/remembrance) And of course we would go on dates and go out to eat and such too.(Although we couldn't drive most of the time we either had to ride with my or her sister to get to places, which is pretty inconvenient)

And the start of junior year was probably when reality hit us both. This was when all of the troubles we were going to face came into light. My mother, who is very strict in our religion found out about us and when members of my church saw me with her. I was called to talk to some of the head people in my the local branch of my church and they questioned me; I lied. I told them I wasn't going out with anybody. I'll admit I thought I was pretty convincing. But lying to my church wasn't really a problem for me at the time, even though it's considered a really big deal. My mom was far worst. I know I'm to blame, like during summer I would sneak our of my house to hang out with her for a bit at her house. I would do things that someone in my religion normally wouldn't do. And my mom found out. And she took it all out on Leah. At that time I felt I shouldn't have asked her out and to let her feel the pain of being hurt by your own boyfriends mother. Especially her being Filipino as well.(Filipinos are very family oriented) I know this probably hurt more than anything in our relationship. We had talked about it and we still decided to go out with each other. We felt we had grown too close to break up, and still loved each other very much. But because of everything that happened, from then on we had to hide our relationship both from my mother and my religion.

This obviously was very hard. We had to be careful of every small thing we did, like small kisses and even just holding hands, and it was really hard on both of us. And we would start fighting. About how we can't do anything with our relationship so restrained, about my mom, about everything. And then my mistake. I promised her that I would leave my church as soon as I could. I said I would, but as time passed I thought to myself that I didn't want to leave my church. I was born and raised in this church. Everyone in my church I consider family, and I didn't want to throw all of that away. This was another mistake that I still feel wasn't really a mistake. I couldn't and still can't compare my religion and her. I can't say who or what is more important. It's like, if I choose, either way a part of me is going to be ripped out. And I was stuck. I couldn't tell her I changed my mind for fear of losing her, and I couldn't leave my church for fear of losing my family and friends. And I think after some time she realized it. And she was in the same situation as me, and it was my fault.

And time passed quickly. We went through highschool together, and everyone in school knew we were a couple. It was always, "James and Leah" or "Leah and James". Alot of good, unforgetful memories in High School. Of course we've had our share of more hard times too, but I won't get into all of that. ^_~

And we were out of High School. After some time we both got jobs at the airport to make some money before we could figure out what we were going to do with our lives. We went through pretty hard times there too. And it felt like it was just the two of us. Most of our friends moved, left for the military, or we just lost touch. And at this point until now, we felt very comfortable with each other. We talked about getting married and having kids, which I think is pretty normal for people who've been together for that long. And at some point we both quit our jobs due to our own reasons. I helped my sister with her business and she got a job closer to home.

And slowly our relationship started to fade bit by bit. And just recently, because of certain circumstances, by broke up. And although I still feel an emptiness inside, I'm relieved, both for me and her.

I still don't know for sure why our relationship had to end up this way. There were still ways we could have fought to make it work, but I think down inside we both know in the long run, it won't work.

Because of my religion, we can't be free to do anything we want. If we were to get married our parents won't approve. My church would expel me. So if we were to choose each another, that would mean giving up most everything else we love.

It was as if we were walking down a hallway that was just getting narrower each step we took until we couldn't go any further. It hurts so bad but I know this is for the best. Moving on, doing what we need to do, growing by ourselves is what I know we need to do. But I still can't shake this feeling.

We haven't talked to each other after we broke up. It was actually a break up online.(I know, not the way I pictured it) We fought about some small stuff, but I know that we actually broke up because of the bigger reasons, the fight was just a mask for all the things we really wanted to say.

I haven't seen her since, but I hear she's already found a boyfriend. Hah. Yeah, it sounds pretty bad on her part, but I believe know her best. She doesn't like people to think bad of her, or talk behind her back, so I know she's not going to make her relationship with him official to the public as of yet. And she's the type that really needs someone to be there for her during these times, and since I'm not going to be there for her now, she found someone else.

And yeah, it just makes me feel even worst than I already am, because I know this guy and almost any other guy can give her way more than I could ever give her. They don't have to be afraid, or feel they have to hide their love. That probably hurts the most. Not the fact that she found someone else, but the fact that he can make her happier than I could.



BAH! So sappy... Well I'll just end it here. Thank you so very much for everyone that read this whole thing, I know it must have been boring. But yeah. Thank you. =) And it did make me feel a bit better getting all of this out. I missed alot of other details, but I think this is good enough how it is. =)

Well, you can say something good in your life:

So wait for it, pare.
I'm a Catholic, so I can't fully comprehend your situation. Buti ka pa, nagka-gf na. Wala akong pag-asa. (Translation for those who can't comprehend: Good for you, you had a girlfriend. I don't have hope.)

You distinctly said:

I agree. It is very hard to leave what you have been accustomed to.

In short, I think you should move on. You are not like my teacher: liking a girl for ten years and then being dumped. Go out and enjoy your life, James. Este, pare.

Wow. I'm very sorry that you were forced into that situation, it must have been so hard to deal with, and my heart goes out to you. It's always a good choice to let your feelings out, and doing so helps you heal. Give yourself time to heal, you need it, and if breaking up was the best option for both of you, you have nothing to feel sad about.

Again, I'm sorry for what you went through. I hope you heal and feel happy again.

NONSENSE. Your story was certainly not boring.

I really hope you feel better, MCS. :huggle:

I don't really quite know what to say, except that I really do hope you feel better. That you knew from the start that it would be a tough relationship just shows how strong and determined you are, which is very admireable.

As for breakup tips...just do stuff that distracts you. I'm being told the same thing that "I'll get over her", which sounds completely useless to me right now, but it is true and you will move on to new feelings and new experiences.

I do hope that by talking about this to friends who you can trust and feel comfortable around that you've made yourself feel better.

Aww MistaCloudStrife, your story actually made me cry. My deepest sympothy towards you and I dearly hope your heart heals. I know it will take a while but belive me you'll find peace in good time.

As for your church, I hope i don't sound rude but i find that to be highly unfair. It seems like you can't live your own life. Maybe if the situation would have been diffrent you and Leah could have been married. But I'm sure you would rather not think of that. As for now try to do things that keep your mind off of her. Starting with disposing (or if that is to harsh) then simply hiding those letter she used to send you, that would just make it even more difficult on your part.

Ughh, This is why i hate religon.
>_>

-Hugs.-
Hope you feel better, MCS. :huggle:

I'm sorry man. Time heals all wounds I suppose. I remember the day I broke up with my first serious girlfriend, and it was tough, but I knew in the end that it would be better for both of us to move on from each other. And I agree with Wintercream... try to do things that will get your mind off of her. It helped me a lot. :) Hang in there, we're all here for you! :)

now that was not boring at all, I'm impressed you remembered the exact day yall got together it shows alot that you really loved her. And 6 years of dating is alot to let go of i can't help but think of what a mental war it must of been for you to figure out what to do with all of this.

I wouldn't consider it a mistake ether, you have to follow your own heart and find the one you truly love.

it seems to me that courting someone in your church makes your choices somewhat limited.


as i said before just follow your heart, don't worry what others think. sorry i don't wanna be rude but it just seems cruel your church would hold somebody back like this.

anyway mcs i hope your able to find peace out of all of this. it was good of you to come and talk about it here and I'll pray that you can find someone you love.

Your Friend Marshall