OK, for one: - When I wrote the FFVII Death Note Crossover, I did NOT support Tifa. I was merely joking. ^^;
http://pokie-v.deviantart.comIf you just want a little sample, here are my babies (my favourites) - the little mini-series of:
Sephiroth's Jobs. xD
Sephiroth's Jobs
Part One: Working in McDonaldsSephiroth: [In a McDonald's uniform.] There's your food, pitiful human. [Hands a Happy Meal to a terrified-looking six-year old.] NEXT!
Fat Guy: Hi. Hm... just looking at the menu.
Sephiroth: They're in the rack by the door. Sir. [Under his breath.] You're wasting my time... and I don't like time-wasters.
Fat Guy: [After thirty seconds.] All righty! I'm going to get... a Big Mac with extra chicken, no mayonnaise, a big beef patty, plenty of gherkins, and no lettuce!
Sephiroth: [Tapping it into the till.] Would you like fries with that, sir?
Fat Guy: Well, I'm trying to lose some weight...
Sephiroth: I said... Would you like fries with that, sir?
Fat Guy: Dude, don't get all angry!
Sephiroth: [Jumps over the counter quick as lightning and pulls up the Fat Guy by his shirt.] I said... Would you like fries with that?! [Drawing his katana.] Answer. Quickly.
****
Sephiroth's Jobs
Part TwoVinnie: [Walking along with Sephiroth - she's his career advisor. Duh.] See, Sephy? That two year course was fun, right? I mean, you're the only graduate... Having killed everyone else... And your 'volunteers'.
Sephiroth: Eh, those 'volunteers' were my useless shinentai - Kadaj, Loz and Yazoo wanted a 'makeover'. They said so themselves!
Vinnie: Well, alright, then...
Sephiroth: Eehee! [Claps.] I can't wait to get to work!
[Later, he's got a job in a hairdressers.]
Clerk: OK, next!
[A woman gets up and sits in a seat. A towel gets draped over the woman's neck - she looks up into the mirror from her copy of OK Magazine, and it's Sephiroth.]
Woman: Wow, you're hot!
Sephiroth: Excuse me?
Woman: Oh, uh... nothing. Heehee.
Sephiroth: OK, what did you want?
Woman: Uh... perhaps... three or four inches off?
Sephiroth: Okay... By the way, I use slightly... different methods in cutting hair. [Draws his katana.]
Woman: I hope you know what you're doing... [Her mouth goes sideways, in a questioning look.]
Sephiroth: Alright, here we go! [He quickly slices through the woman's hair, but the end of his katana 'accidentally' cuts her head off - blood splats onto his chest and face and the other customers scream.] Oh. Oops.
Clerk: SEPHIROTH! THAT'S THE FIFTH ONE TODAY! You're fired!
Sephiroth: Aw, jeez, for how long?
****
Sephiroth's Jobs
Part Three
L'Oreal
Vinnie: Sephy! Guess what?!
Sephiroth: What?
Vinnie: I got you a job!
Sephiroth: Again? I told you yesterday - I'm going to be a benefit thief.
Vinnie: But... that's bad!
Sephiroth: Who'll argue with me? Any bailiffs sent round will feel the cold steel of Masamuné. No one will DARE come calling after that. Mwaha.
Vinnie: Whatever. Look, here's a job that pays really well. [Hands him a letter.] It's a L'Oreal commercial.
Sephiroth: How did you break into L'Oreal and convince them?
Vinnie: Well...
[Flashback to a L'Oreal boardroom meeting.]
Executive: Hm. He is, as you say... rather good looking.
Vinnie: Japan seriously have some good marketing ideas, sir. They use hot men and cute girls to sell stuff. Think of the Panasonic P900V phone that Cloud Strife advertised! It's true! Bishies SELL products, Mr. Fatcat!
Executive: Okay, we'll take him on. Bring 'im along next week.
[End of flashback.]
Sephiroth: Oh alright, I'll go... [Mutters slyly under his breath.] Like lambs to the slaughter...
[The next day - Sephiroth is on set in front of five or so cameras, standing still. Vinnie is applying his foundation/skin tone and coaching him.]
Vinnie: Alright, remember, look at the camera on the right. There's a thing on there where text comes up and you read it. Get it? Oh. You've got a spot. [Dusts it.] There we go. Perfect!
Director: Okay, here we go! Three! Two! One! Go!
Sephiroth: You know, even bishonen, like myself, have a hard time keeping our hair in tip-top condition. [Looking at the autocue and squinting.] Flip... your hair. [He flips his hair.] L'Oreal. Because you're worth it.
Director: And, finish! That was good!
Sephiroth: Thanks. I'm done for the day now, right?
Cameraman: Uh, no. We'd like it if you flipped your hair at different intervals... if that's okay?
Sephiroth: [Glaring.] I don't like repetition.
Director: Well, it's an order from above...
[A few hours later, Sephiroth has killed all the camera crew.]
Sephiroth: What the hell don't you get about: 'I don't like repetition'?!
Vinnie: Sephy!! [Slaps her palm into her face.]
Sephiroth: What? They asked for it! [Pouts.]
****
Sephiroth's Jobs
Part Three
L'OrealVinnie: Sephy! Guess what?!
Sephiroth: What?
Vinnie: I got you a job!
Sephiroth: Again? I told you yesterday - I'm going to be a benefit thief.
Vinnie: But... that's bad!
Sephiroth: Who'll argue with me? Any bailiffs sent round will feel the cold steel of Masamuné. No one will DARE come calling after that. Mwaha.
Vinnie: Whatever. Look, here's a job that pays really well. [Hands him a letter.] It's a L'Oreal commercial.
Sephiroth: How did you break into L'Oreal and convince them?
Vinnie: Well...
[Flashback to a L'Oreal boardroom meeting.]
Executive: Hm. He is, as you say... rather good looking.
Vinnie: Japan seriously have some good marketing ideas, sir. They use hot men and cute girls to sell stuff. Think of the Panasonic P900V phone that Cloud Strife advertised! It's true! Bishies SELL products, Mr. Fatcat!
Executive: Okay, we'll take him on. Bring 'im along next week.
[End of flashback.]
Sephiroth: Oh alright, I'll go... [Mutters slyly under his breath.] Like lambs to the slaughter...
[The next day - Sephiroth is on set in front of five or so cameras, standing still. Vinnie is applying his foundation/skin tone and coaching him.]
Vinnie: Alright, remember, look at the camera on the right. There's a thing on there where text comes up and you read it. Get it? Oh. You've got a spot. [Dusts it.] There we go. Perfect!
Director: Okay, here we go! Three! Two! One! Go!
Sephiroth: You know, even bishonen, like myself, have a hard time keeping our hair in tip-top condition. [Looking at the autocue and squinting.] Flip... your hair. [He flips his hair.] L'Oreal. Because you're worth it.
Director: And, finish! That was good!
Sephiroth: Thanks. I'm done for the day now, right?
Cameraman: Uh, no. We'd like it if you flipped your hair at different intervals... if that's okay?
Sephiroth: [Glaring.] I don't like repetition.
Director: Well, it's an order from above...
[A few hours later, Sephiroth has killed all the camera crew.]
Sephiroth: What the hell don't you get about: 'I don't like repetition'?!
Vinnie: Sephy!! [Slaps her palm into her face.]
Sephiroth: What? They asked for it! [Pouts.]
****
Sephiroth's Jobs
Part Four
Hojo Sexy Services[Sephiroth is at a call desk with a headset on.]
Sephiroth: Ooh, a call that isn't from one of my fangirls! [Presses the switchboard.] Hello, this is Hojo Sexy Services, set up especially for those who like dead thirty-year-olds with silver hair.
Caller: ...
Sephiroth: So... er... baby... What are you wearing?
Caller: A black outfit.
Sephiroth: [Blinks.] Kadaj?
Caller: ...No.
Sephiroth: Crybaby? Milkshake-boy?
Caller: ...No.
Sephiroth: Waitaminute - Cloud?!
Caller: ...Yeah.
Sephiroth: [Snickers privately to himself.] Oh. What's the weather like in Midgar?
Cloud: Cloudy, as usual...
Sephiroth: I see...
Cloud: What's the weather like in the afterlife?
Sephiroth: Uh... hot.
Cloud: ...
Sephiroth: Remind me... why did you call again?
Cloud: Uh... Um... It was a wrong number!
Sephiroth: Yeah right. When I said 'Hojo Sexy Services' I bet you thought this was a love hotline with my father?
Cloud: Don't be disgusting!
Sephiroth: Oh wait. Isn't my hotline number one digit out from the Zack Faire love hotline? [He nudges Zack, who's sat next to him yelling down his own hotline at a fangirl.]
Cloud: ...No.
Sephiroth: By the way... I still have the photos.
Cloud: ...You said you'd burnt them.
Sephiroth: I also said that your hair doesn't resemble a Chocobo's tail-feathers.
Cloud: ...And to think I believed you.
Sephiroth: [Maniacal laughter.]
Cloud: Ugh...
Sephiroth: Cloudy-poopy-pops?
Cloud: Yeah?
Sephiroth: You do realise that you're paying 500 gil a second for me to be an arsehole to you?
Cloud: Hold on, how the hell am I talking to you anyway? You're dead! Aren't you?
Sephiroth: Well... er...
Cloud: You still haven't given up on coming back, have you?
Sephiroth: Uh... no.
Cloud: Why?!
Sephiroth: [Grumbles.] Tetsuya Nomura said I had a few more years left in my acting contract.
Cloud: Ah, so that's your little scheme. No more scrounging off your mummy?
Sephiroth: Don't bring my mother into this.
Cloud: What're you gonna do, Darth? Force-choke me over the phone?
Sephiroth: ...Two can play at that game, emo kid.
Cloud: What?
Sephiroth: Your mum's fat.
Cloud: Which one?
Sephiroth: Uh...
Cloud: Go on then. Attempt to diss my 'second' mother.
Sephiroth: She's so fat she makes Jabba the Hutt look anorexic.
Cloud: Hey, Seph?
Sephiroth: Yeah?
Cloud: Congratulations. You just insulted your own mother.
Sephiroth: Lucrecia?
Cloud: No. The other one.
Sephiroth: WHY YOU LITTLE -
Cloud: [Hangs up.]
Sephiroth: [Slamming his head on the desk.] I hate this job!
Zack: [Sat next to him.] Gawd, you think YOU'VE got it bad? Two fangirls called Vinnie and Ainsley keep calling me! [Sniffles.]
****
So... what did you think? :)