Hello everyone,


first I want to apologize for my bad english. Hope I'll make sense with my little story!

I slowly started to fall in love with a guy one year ago. We kissed but actually we didn't end up together.
Then this boy felt in love with one of my best friends. First I was jealous (I still loved him and he never told me about his crush on her) but I accepted the relationship very quickly. So we were friends and everything was pretty ok.

The problem is that this guy see me as a real friend and his girlfriend is terribly jealous of me. Me most than anyone else because I kissed him before. So when we laugh, talk, dance together...she can't help but be jealous.

We're close friends so first she didn't tell anyone and especially me. She knew more than anyone that I was secretly heartbreaked at the beginning of their relationship. But it looks like she can't take it anymore: she's often in a very bad mood with her boyfriend, she can't eat (she did anorexia before), she's ill...

I don't know what to do, I keep repeating her that I won't love his boyfriend, that I don't want him anymore but she's still jealous. I culpabilize although I shouldn't but I don't know what to do. I think not seeing them anymore would get things worst cause we're supposed to be friends..!

Feel free to discuss about jealousy here!
Are you jealous easily? What do you think about jealousy?

Thanks for reading ^_^

After awhile, she'll get over it. Don't worry about it. And you shouldn't kick yourself over it. You're not the problem. At least you're venting about it instead of keeping it inside of you.

Jealously makes the evil come out of you. If you let it take over, you turn into someone that you don't want to be and people don't want to be around you. It's sad thing that shouldn't happen but it does. When you do feel a bit jealous, tell yourself, "This isn't how I am. I shouldn't be like this."

Thanks for replying Augora ^_^

When you really care about the person and you're afraid of losing him/her, this is not that easy...Jealousy can be like a reflex. Sometimes you can't control it.

I was myself very jealous of their relationship. When you see them kissing and you should be the one embraced (at least that's how you feel)...

...WHAT AN HORRIBLE FEELING lol
Of course this is not you and you don't want to act this way... but you can't help being sad...

What's the difference between jealous and envy?

You tell me she'll get over it but it's been almost a year since they're together. This is only now that things go bad for my friend...she seemed to keep her jealousy inside of her for a while...

I'm not really venting, I truly don't know what to do and how to act...and I'm quite honest with my friends.

Jealousy healthy but when it ruins relationships or it's dominating all your thoughts for the entire day, it's not anymore.

Envy and jealousy are different. Simply put, envy is the desire to possess something that somebody else has. I think it's more related to material and worldly possessions, objects, or the status of a person.

As for jealousy, I think it's harsher because it deals with relationships more.

Here is a useful link: http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/envy/.

As for me...I mostly have fits of jealousy. I admit I get jealous very easily and before, I used to really attack those who I feel is stealing the attention of my loved one.
I'm more "tamed" now, but I still get paranoid and I tend to freak out easily. :P Haha. Like in the case of my ex-- imagine 2 years of watching out for other girls who may want to hog his attention... and I had to give everything up because he chose an effing model over me. :mad:

*breathes in and smiles*
Oooh. :tifa:

If the jealousy thing doesn't stop, then stop seeing them. If she's really your friend, she'd understand that you won't experience feelings for the dude anymore.

Ouch. :sad:
Yes I know that feeling and it breaks my heart hearing that it from other people. But I think it's normal to feel sad and disappointed but don't let it get into your head or you won't be able to move on.

:huggle:

You're adorable Tifa!

I understand your feelings. It's so hard to convince yourself you worth the love of your boyfriend. That's why we get jealous after all?!

And on the top of that boys (and girls) are so harsh sometimes... Being compared with a so called "model" girl is an horrible thing for anyone. Come on, we worth it too! (lol)
If your ex couldn't see how great you were and only searched for a piece of...meat then you didn't loose anything!

Don't worry, our time will come! :lmao: :gift:

Imma sorry bout the problemo you have going on in your life Coral. Life is such a cheating, unfair bitch. T.T

I can say I had a bad issue of jealousy. D: I got jealous OF MY BFF GWAH when she started to make mountains of new friends. And when we talked over the phone she'd pretty much talk about how much fun they all are...hmm..yes... it did irritate me. -.-
But those so called "friends" eventually became bitches and moved on. :] So yeah, it proves I am that BFF. HAHA. D: We've known eachother since birth
And then she got to the stage where she'd call me up for the sake of talking about her "boyfriend". She'd go on and on and on about how amazing and cute he was. T.T I should be happy she wants to tell me what's going on in her life, but after a while it felt like she just wanted someone to brag to.

But her and her boyfriend are broke up now, and I'm so glad because she deserved WAY better. :] I met him a few times and I really didn't think he was all that. : /

I get jealous... of people I care the most about. I really don't like the idea of sharing a friend or loved one, but ya know I can't help that. Its life. I have to learn and share. I do get scared that the people I love and care about most will leave me for someone else. It always makes me feel insecure and vulnerable. And I'm too insecure to begin with. -.- So that doesn't help the situation.

I'm learning to be less clingy and dependent. And I know I'm getting better. I still have plenty of issues to work on, but in time I'll over come that. Its a matter of patience. XD And I'm not a very patient person to begin with.

Wow Coral. Very sorry you have to go through all of that. I can relate though. I get jealous very easily. Especially when it comes to friends and such.

My best friend recently got this boyfriend about...ermmm...I'll say a month and a half ago. Anywho, at first I was GRRR ANGRY at him because I was worried that he may possibly take my best friend away. And you know, deep down I was kind of jealous that she was in this relationship, and I remained single. Anywho, he constantly calls her, texts her, and ALWAYS wants to be around her. It gets me so mad I sometimes have no choice but to cry about it. It may sound silly, but this guy is slowly taking my best friend away thats why I'm so emotional about it. And ever since they've been together, she's changed. Her personality is just different and she gets really snappy with people. Before she was so carefree and friendly. :/

And it gets a little awkward being with the two of them because he's always touching her, or kissing her head or whatever. I think he's playing a little game of "Lets see how awkward I can make Megan feel." xD Naw, I hate to admit it but deep down, I secretly hope they break up purely out of jealousy. I'm jealous that this guy is starting to pull my best friend away. I want him to go away, even though (according to him) I'm one of his best friends. Very strange and annoying situation. D:

But my point is sometimes you just can't help being jealous. Especially when it involves relationships with those close to you. And with your situation, Coral, it's only natural that you are experiencing these emotions. Just wade through it, and see what happens. Things may look up soon. ^_^

I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a difficult time, Coral, and I really hope you have a chance to talk with your friend about this. From what I can see, it looks like she's worried you and your ex might still feel something for each other. If your friend knows you were heartbroken when your romance ended, then it was quite serious on your side, so she might reason that it was very serious for him too. She could've built your romance up inside her head, or maybe she's just unhappy with some part of her relationship with him and is unfairly (but unitnetionally) labelling you as the problem. But it basically looks like she's insecure over this relationship and feels threatened by what you used to have - and what you still have - with this guy. You're 100% sure that he's backing you up and treating her like the adored girlfriend and you like just a close pal, right? (It could be how he acts that sets her off, rather than it being your fault or all in her head, so keep that in mind). The best thing I can suggest is having an honest talk with her and making it clear that you're over this guy and only see him as a friend now. Try asking why she's still jealous after you've already told her this before, what it is that's upsetting her.

Hopefully, she'll get over this soon and realise how unreasonable she's being, and that even if this guy did leave her for you or some other girl, it's not the end of the world. There's more to life. ^_^

This is a really good question! I think TV series Nip/Tuck answered it very well, though. There's a scene where one of the characters has a little rant about jealousy which really nails the issue, in my opinion. It goes something like - "Jealousy is when you want something someone else has, that you'd have to work really hard to get for yourself. But envy is wanting something that someone else has and that you can never, ever have." That's exactly how I see the difference between the two as well.

Edit: Found the quote, so here it is:

Merrill: Do you know the difference between jealousy and envy Christian? [...] Jealousy is when you realize someone has something you want, and if you work real hard you can get it. Envy! That's when you realize someone has something you can never have, no matter how hard you try.

This is so true for me, it's scary. When I was a young girl, the way some people (family and friends) reacted to me made me feel very rejected and worthless and it's left quite a mark on me. I have a major fear of being used and replaced and that makes me insecure and very wary of getting too close to people IRL (where I have less control over and distance towards the relationship than I do here) and I've accidentally sabotaged some important connections over this. I usually try far too hard to impress people I like and make them like me by being "useful" and solving problems for them. It's like if I can't do something for something, then I'll feel like a waste of space even though I'd never ask them to do as much for me. It's just one of those irrational things where you judge yourself more harshly than you would anyone else. It also makes me really possessive when I do get close, and like you said, I really hate having to share people I care about with others. I wouldn't say I'm a jealous person because I keep my distance a lot, and I don't get involved easily, but if I do feel very strongly for someone (and feel genuinely threatened by someone's else's relationship to them) then it's like shattering a resevoir or something and all this emotional mess pours out. But I'm trying to be rational about it. I know where the feeling comes from, I know it happens and it's wrong, so I'm getting better at just letting those things go.

Yeah. Our time will come and when it does, things are probably going to be better. ^_^' Right now, I just need to take my time as a single girl. :lol:


Still, there are times when I felt that my jealousy gets me into so much trouble that I don't know how to fix up things anymore. For instance...

Back in childhood, I used to be very jealous of my grandmother showering all her attention attention to one of my younger cousins. It was very evident that she was the favorite grandchild. Because of that, I ended up hurting that cousin of mine. I know it caused some psychological damage in her and right now, I'm just so guilty that I did that. :sad:
Strangely enough, now that we're older, we became closer. But guilt still plagues me and I don't know how I'm going to apologize to her.

Still, I do a lot of things to make it all up to her just to show how sorry I am. I don't treat her bad anymore and I don't do thing to make her cry anymore unlike when we were children. But although it's the past, I still hate myself for being such a mean girl. :cry:

The lesson I learned: sometimes, jealousy can cause you to act and think like you're not yourself anymore. So now, I stop and analyze things to avoid making big mistakes that I can't reverse anymore... just like that instance with my cousin. :(

I just LOVE you girls! This topic is deeper than I thought thanks to your honest and courageous comments!

Thank you for everything goddess_in_pink07! :huggle:
Imaginary__girl, I felt jealous too when my friend found a lover and "left" me ...I don't like this behaviour. I know people who can deal both with friendship and love...without hurting anyone.
Besides my POV is that when you're a happy couple you don't feel the need to show you own your sweetheart in front of other people (and especially friends)! You just stay yourself...

Tifa, when I was little my cousins were older and didn't pay attention to me. They made laugh my whole family...and I felt jealous of them. See you're not the only one :)

LOL it's so funny to see how jealousy can take different faces in our lives...and I thought I wasn't a jealous person :lmao: cause when I love someone I guess I trust him... As I said years ago in this forum :blush: I loved a guy for 2 years who lived far away from me. And I wasn't really jealous of his friends (and girl pals) when I wasn't with him...I trusted him and it worked perfectly.

(for the cleris anecdote we met on a stupid RPG online where I played Aerith and he played Cloud lol)

Hyper-Ballad, thank you very much for the time you spent on my existencial questions :gift: You understand a lot of things and it's good for me to take some distance! Thank you.

To answer you back...why is she still jealous after an honest talking..?
First I think her boyfriend doesn't understand her. She wants to be loved above everything, she's frightened of losing him and he doesn't get the picture very well.

Then for the first time I'm kinda appreciated by our common friends and she's jealous about this. She's loosing confidence in her actually.

Thirdly she's very sensitive and fragile. I said she had anorexia without knowing it when she was young. Maybe she sees things in a disproportionned way...maybe not? Cause I don't know everything about her relationship with "the guy" lol.

But I really don't love him. He hurted me too much and doesn't understand me either.