I know what you're probably all thinking... "AGAIN?!"
XD I'm sorry, but I need to know if I was out of line. I got into an argument with a friend and now it has escalated to the point where I do NOT want anything to do with her. She called me a backstabber and a fake friend in a recent argument when all I did was try to resolve the problem. I even APOLOGIZED for upsetting her so much when all my friends said I shouldn't have. She calls me childish and insults me and I'm really hurt because she's been my friend since we were four. I understand if she had a bad day, but even so that's no excuse to treat me like that and accuse me of things I didn't do. And she gets me so mad that I just explode and say mean things. I feel bad that our friendship is most likely over, but I can't believe that it would end over such a stupid fight! The fight after this one was worse, and as I said before I apologized for hurting her feelings, but she just got defensive and insulted me. This is how everything started...

sweetpeaspice = Me
PitziB = "Friend"

...After reading that, tell me that she was not messed up to me! First of all, I never criticized her fanfic. I just said I didn't like the pairing, but thought it was well written. Second of all, when she says she WASN'T accusing me of bragging, she obviously for her response a few moments ago where she said, "You want me to be happy for you, I want you to stop bragging." Third of all, I can't believe she would get mad over THIS and then has the GALL to call ME DRAMATIC!! Argh! :sad: :cry: I'm sorry for bothering you all with my problems again, but this...was just too much... I am so upset and hurt, and I don't think I deserve being treated like this. I just wanted to share good news with her... It shouldn't have ended like this...

Don't worry you've done nothing wrong :huggle: In fact I feel very empathetic right now because I know what it feels like when your closest friend scold you and reprimand you like you're a little child. My best advice I can give you is just let her blow off some steam. And if she still acts mean towards you and you see her just say hi to her to at least let her know you care. You're not bothering me at all :huggle:.

I'm really sorry because I'm about to give the most unhelpful comment ever, but do you think you should be posting a private conversation between you and your friend here in a public space? I'm sure she wouldn't appreciate it if she knew, and I kinda feel like I'm violating someone's privacy by reading her IMs. Perhaps in the future, you could just try to give us the gist of your conversations instead? ^_^

And I'm sorry to say it (and I really don't want to offend you, I'm just trying to help), but it actually seems to me as though you jumped down her throat a bit - "thats it? your not happy for me?" could easily be interpreted as hostile, and your friend's "ooook" comment could just have been from being overwhelmed. I do think you overeacted to her lack of enthusiasm (but then again, I don't know to what degree you were relying on her support). Your friend could be a bit envious of your achievements and taking a passive-agressive approach to the issue, or she could just not be that wowed by what's going on in your life (does she write much? if she's not part of any writing scene, then the idea of collaborations and editing work might genuinely not thrill her). It could be either, but if she's not interested in the things you're excited about she still comes off as a bit bitter about your satisfaction ("well, you seem to be saying it enough for yourself, so seems kinda pointless for me", "you want me to congratulate you. i want you to stop bragging"). How's she doing in life? Is she getting what she wants? Or is she having a hard time achieving certain goals? If she's unhappy with where she is right now then it's easy to see how she might not be in the mood to support you. She said that you implied that "people appreciate my writing, but they don't appreciate yours, i'm doing something with my writing, and you're not." To me it seems as if she misunderstood you and thought you were rubbing it in.

Basically, I think you both blew this way out of proportion. She could've at least tried to humour you or - if she was having problems with something - should've told you. You on the other hand let yourself get way too worked-up over such a small issue. So you're both a little bit in the wrong.

But you know what? It happens. You were both a bit too focused on yourselves (you on what you'd achieved and how offended you felt by her lack of enthusiasm and her on how she felt you were bragging and showing-off), but that sort of thing can happen. Anger blinds everyone to reason. Insight into what other people were actually feeling usually come after a cooling-off period. It's really okay, and it doesn't make either of you a bad person or a bad friend, because these things just happen.

I think the best thing to do right now is to just relax and think things over. You'll feel much better if you let yourself cool down, I guarantee. Think about what the two of you said and why you think things happened the way they did, and try to put yourself in her place. If this friendship means a lot to you then have a good think and talk to her (IN PERSON if possible - that makes all the difference!). First, say you're sorry. Even if you feel you're both equally to blame, someone needs to go first so why not take the high road? Tell her you didn't mean to come off as offensive or full of it, it wasn't your intention at all, and you're sorry if you accidentally hurt her feelings. If you think she has some kind of problem with you, ask her, but do it as calmly and rationally as possible and don't get too angry. Ask her if she feels bad about her writing and maybe offer to do something that might encourage her or boost her confidence, like another collaboration. Then, tell her how her words hurt you and made you feel victimized. Tell her that you just wanted to share something nice with her, and that you feel she threw it back in your face. Say you're sorry for getting so mad, but explain why you felt that way.

Hopefully, if she's a reasonable person and genuinely wants to stay your friend, she'll apologise too and the pair of you can bury the hatchet. But once it's forgotten, SERIOUSLY forget it and don't bring it up even if you fall out again. Forgiveness is forgiveness.

If she still gives you a bunch of crap after this then just take it gracefully, keep your cool and walk away. You'll have done your part, and you're not obligated to do anything more than what I just recommended - apologise, show understanding, and be willing to forgive, and ask her to do the same. If she can't accept that then you're better off without her - at least until she grows up a bit.

Again, I'm sorry if this sounds too critical, but I'm just trying to give you an honest analysis and some practical advice. Anyway, I hope you work it out. :huggle:

I know this is going to probably not help you out at all but I thought it was funny. One second you're happy and the next you're arguing. I believe it all started with this...

PitziB (10:51:14 PM): oook
Sweet pea spice (10:51:30 PM): that's it
Sweet pea spice (10:51:32 PM): ?

Right there. This is what happens when you talk on IM and not irl. Body language and tone of voice isn't there and it's hard to interpret exactly what the other person is feeling.

Yeah I know. I didn't give any sort of advice. Just pointing out the obvious. >_> Have no advice to give. I don't think any of you did anything wrong. She's allowed to be jealous(if that's what it was) or irritated and you're allowed to be happy. Nobody is in the wrong. =P You guys will probably get over it.

I lost a friend due to a argument we had back in December. She was having boyfriend trouble and I told her that she should probably be better with someone else. Apparently, she didn't take that well. She completely stop talking to me about it and started talking to someone else about it. And just recently, at church when I wasn't there, she told my dad, "You can tell (my name) that she can come next week cause I won't be here." I found that very hurtful and she told my dad and not me.

And the next week, she was there and I was there and she talked to me like we were friends again. But I don't consider her a friend anymore. Sorry about my story but I was trying to relate to your situation.

In short, be careful about who your true friends are. If they are going to be like this, then just end the friendship. It was good while it lasted. There are friends that come for a season and leave.

Alright. First of all, I understand that you're upset, but remember that this will probably blow over in a week or two. These things have a way of working themselves out, so just keep that in mind. We all fight, even with the best of friends, but we love our friends in the end. And we apologize, move on. I think this will be okay.

Secondly, your friend seemed pretty unhappy from the beginning of the conversation: "so why tell me that?" "ummm...ok" and "oook." She should've as a friend been happy for you, and said the things you expected her to say -- but her feelings of resentment got in the way. At the same time, once it was obvious that something was wrong, I think the appropriate response would've been to ask her what's on her mind instead of saying "that's it?" Friendships aren't a one-way street. If you expect her to be happy for you, it's only fair that you show interest in what's clearly bothering her instead of concerning yourself with why she's not congratulating you.

I'm not trying to attack you. I think your friend was more in the wrong than you were (for being jealous and selfish), but to be fair you could've handled it better.

The next time you approach her, you should apologize for making her feel like her writing's inadequate, but clarify that it was never your intention. I'm sure she'll apologize for being jealous, and then you guys can talk this out.

Ouch, that's tough!

I'd let it pass for now, like maybe she'd forget it happened. Whatever you do, don't be mean to her. If she attacks/insults you again, let her go on with the drama.

If she still won't accept your apology no matter how sincere you are about it, then maybe it's time to consider letting the friendship go. I believe that real friends are those who are considering to try to work things out between them again even after big fights, and then trying to lessen the drama.

You posted this August 31, how are things going now? Is everything better already? :(

Things got a little better actually. She apologized and I forgave her and apologized too for upsetting her. Even so, I still took a break from her for a week so I could cool down majorly. But thanks for your support Tifa Lockheart!

Well I'm glad things are at least a little better now for you. :huggle: