I'm having a problem and simply put it just sucks. I need help...

It's not some immature little crush. I'm in love with one of my close friends who I've known for several years now, but there's just one problem: He has a girlfriend. I don't know what to do, but I'm tired of having to pretend it doesn't bother me, bottle up my feelings, and just "be friends" with him... I don't want to ruin our friendship, but it's so painful for me to see him with another girl.

Of course, I would never say anything to him, because I don't want to ruin our friendship as well as the relationship between him and his girlfriend. And I would never wish for them to break up, because I don't want to see him hurt. I would never, NEVER wish anything bad upon him. But sometimes I feel like, all right, enough already! Either you love me or you don't! He seems to constantly play with my feelings. At one time I thought he liked me. Actually, there are still times when I think he has feelings for me, too, but of course he won't admit it. He treats me so wonderfully and we share things that we wouldn't tell anyone else in the world. But at times I think it's because we're more than good friends -- maybe we're meant to be something more.

I know I must sound ridiculous, but he's been with her for almost three years. We've been good friends for over six years. And no, I'm not trying to throw the math out there and try to prove that a relationship is possible, because the only person I would be trying to fool would be myself. I just need to give you all an idea, however. This is how much of an ongoing dilemma it is. But over the years, while his relationship blossoms with her, our friendship has grown even stronger, too. I like to think, maybe a relationship is possible in the future, but I'm so unsure. I don't want to be selfish, but I just love him so much! It's so frustrating! Because what if he never breaks up with her? I hate thinking like this. I don't want to seem selfish in any way.

At times he'll tell me intimate things, or he'll flirt with me, or something... but then he goes back and talks about his girlfriend to me again. He seems to be playing with my feelings. I think this is because he knows I have feelings for him. (I mean, he has to know by now.) Could he be doing this to hide the fact that he may have feelings for me, too, and to remind himself over and over that he's unavailable and in a relationship?

I hate being in such a dilemma. And don't get me wrong: I'm not completely consumed that I try not to be with other people, but it's just that I've never felt this way about anyone in my entire life. I've had bad experiences with guys in the past. But he's so different from any other guy I've ever met. Which is one of the reasons we get along so well and are good friends. I'm trying not to let any of the "good guys" pass me by, but it's hard! I'm always drawn back to him!

It's not like I hit on him or anything, or like I'm trying to pull him away from his girlfriend - not at all. I'm not the kind of person who would do that. I know that would only make the relationship end very badly. I really hate feeling like this. Is it wrong for me to love him if he's with someone? Could it be possible that we could have a relationship sometime in the future?

I don't know what to do, but I really needed to get this out and vent.

I would really like to hear someone else's input on this situation. :unsure:

You say you've been good friends with him for six years. What're his views on men who play women like? Does he approves of men who just use and abuse women? Do you think he's the kind of person to play with someone else's feelings?

Depending on those answers, you can have a pretty good idea of whether or not he's really playing with your feelings. If those things suggest he isn't, then it's probably something else that's coming across that way.

Speaking generally as a guy, it is possible that some of those things are, as you said, him trying to hide feelings he might have for you...but he could be slipping up now and then. Alternatively, it could just be his way of relating to a close friend (who's a girl). If he considers you a good friend and not a romantic interest, it's possible he'll feel somewhat comfortable talking to you abou this girlfriend and "intimate things" (depending on what those are). Or he could be confused about how he feels and so is sending mixed signals. Or maybe you're misinterpreting some of his usual behaviours and words as flirting when they aren't? Compare some of the ones you think are flirts (if they're a particular type) with how you see him acting around other people, maybe his girlfriend too, and see what you find.

(I'm just throwing out these ideas. I don't know him so you'll have to decide which ones are just plain wrong and which could be right.)

It's impossible to say from what you've said.

Now to the question I think can make for some interesting debate here:

No, it isn't. Right and wrong come into what you do with that love.

:D Thanks for your feedback Seeker. ^^ It really helped me to think some things over a little...

See, the funny thing is, a lot of people thought we were dating because we were around each other so much, and the way we acted around each other. My friends were surprised to hear that nothing was going on between us. People have said to me that he tends to act differently around me than other girls, but maybe that is because I'm his best friend who happens to be a girl, besides his girlfriend. He does seem to flirt with me... he does certain things he certainly wouldn't do around his girlfriend, because she would probably think there is something going on between us. He has told me that I'm like a sister to him, we're so close. I sometimes see him as a brother but I hope for us to become more than friends.

Well, I know he wouldn't be intentionally playing with my feelings. He's my friend and wouldn't mean to harm me in any way. It's just that, sometimes I feel that way. I get frustrated when he says one thing and then blurts out another "me an my girlfriend" thing the next moment.

Well, I suppose it's not wrong if I don't impose my feelings on him while he's with her. Like I said, I don't hit on him constantly or anything. We're just really good friends. I guess it's okay to love him and do things for him as a friend, but save my other feelings for him somewhere else..?

Sorry for taking so long to reply.

Great ot hear. :lol:

Well, being like a sister to him is already more than just friends. When you want something else -- which an intimate relationship is compared to a brother-sister one, I think, not necessarily something more -- it's hard to realise just how good or important what you have now is. Even though you want something else, don't cheapen what you have now.

I know how it feels. :(

That seems to be the best option. Or try to use those feelings for him in another way, like to be a better friend to him or even other friends.

Ask Tifa :D

I don't think there is anything wrong about that... it's just so... :sad:

i dont think it's wrong to love someone who's in love with someone else but for now, just be friends! You never know what happens in the future, so you should always be on your good side! It brings good consequences. :lol: