I've noticed so many teenagers these days saying they hate their parents for no good reason. Like for example, you're talking on the phone too long and your parent decides to take your phone away to punish you. Most kid's would freak out and scream,"You can't do this! I hate you!"
Now this is what I don't understand. How could you hate someone over something so trivial? The only time I've ever told one of my parents, "I hate you." Was when we were playing rummy and she went out while I still had a load of cards in my hand. She knew I was joking and so she laughed and said, "Good. 'Cause you loose!"
But for someone to truely think they hate their parents over something like that is foolish.
What do you guys think? Or am I just rambling on?

Well, this problem doesn't apply to me, since I don't think I've ever told my parents I hate them. Ho ho ho... Like I would dare! Nah, I'm kidding, my parents and I just get along very well. But for the teens who don't, it's probably a bout of teenage angst. Not that they really mean it. Either that, or it's a deep anger built over a long time that simply exploded when triggered by even the slightest of conflicts. I guess those kids and their parents simply can't understand each other.

It just makes me sick that they would even do that. My parents and I have a very good relationship because I'm home schooled and we travel for a living so we're up under each-other ALL the time. I think it may have something to do with what the media is feeding our youth. "Your parents don't understand you. Your hip, your young! You know EVERYTHING!"
Thats a load of crap!

Like I said, teenage angst. I wonder if it's kinda like PMS... But most kids get over it once they're matured enough to realize how much their parents have done for them. Or maybe when they're parents themselves!

I'm not sure how the media is involved, but I do know that a lot of programs have the 'You don't understand me!' line.

It's like my mother always says. "What your feeling is real, but it isn't true."
I don't watch mainstream tv much because of all the stupid stuff in it. I normally only watch anime, old movies, the history channel and the food network.

lol I think I've said, "I hate you!" to my parents a bunch of times, but I'm never serious about it. I only say it to my parents whenever I lose my temper with them. But, my parents know I never mean it- so they don't care if I say to them anymore. They've been through the teenage angst "I hate you" thing before with my brother, so they're used to it by now. They just take it with good humor.

It's a silly juvenile thing teenagers, heck, even babies and little children say. Mainly, IMO, because they don't know how to say what they're really feeling or to express it appropriately. I don't think the person that says it really means it, unless she/he has a reasonable reason to(bad upbringging, child neglect, or worse.). That's my two cents.

Teenage angst! :lol: It's a phase that most teens during this day and age can't avoid. I think it's part hormones, part media influence and for some, part disillusionment. There are some people who have a real reason to hate their parents (you know, extreme things like say... fixed marriages for the sake of family fortune? Cliche, but classic.) but for many kids, it's just petty things that really don't mean much.

I say part media influence because of all those... "emo" stuff nowadays. You know, the "I hate the world hate myself hate my father I wanna ruuuuun away I wanna kill myself yeeeah" sort of stuff.

Its all down to mood. I could never say that to my parents, i love them too much. It's such a strong word, and if I have ever said it to my parents, I am deeply disappointed in myself. >_<

I agree with zhakeena. Some people really do have reasons to hate their parents, but hatred is so intertwined with love that it just means they're really angry with their parents in the end. :D For the most part, though, it's kids dealing with hormones and a society that promotes the idea that "teenagers are just balls of angst", so teenagers behave that way. ;)

But I can understand hating a parent for walking out on you, or destroying your family by leaving with another partner, or something like that. Feelings of intense anger in situations like that are very understandable, and a lot of kids these days experience them because of high divorce rates. Being abandoned by someone you love generally turns love into intense anger or hatred. Doesn't mean you stop loving them, just means they hurt you very badly.

But most kids? Oh, they're just whining. ^_~ I think most teenagers are in a "selfish mode", where they think their problems are the only problems in the world and that no one could ever understand them. Of course, I've seen adults like this too, so maybe it's not just a teenage phenomenon. :P

But the ones you really have to watch out for are the ones who don't care what happens to anyone. The ones who are so desensitized that human life holds no meaning, and they have very few emotions. Those are the kids I worry about. Hatred fades, but indifference remains. The kids who are indifferent to life and to emotion really worry me.

It is usually just a phase that happens to every teenager. The kid wants to do something that the parents do not approve...bla bla bla...and then it ends up in a shouting contest and the kiddie runs to his/her room yelling "I hate you!" and slams the door shut.

Been there, done that, seen it happen and all that. I grew up with 3 older sisters so I saw it all happen, far too many times. ^_^

Nowadays kids seem to have less respect for their parents and parents seem to let kids do whatever they want... If I had ever spoken to my parents that way I would have been punished severely! And heaven forbid I ever speak to my grandparents that way... I'd break their hearts!

To me its a matter of respect. Even if it didn't bother them, I would never disrespect my parents by speaking to them like that. Unless they have actually done something worthy of hate there is no reason to tell them you hate them.

I agree with you all. But I think that we're telling our young people, "It's normal" to do that. It was never "normal" until we made it "normal." I mean, my gosh!
Now I want to bring up another thing in this.
"Cheaper By The Dozen"
The 2004, or was it 2004, hit family film S.U.C.K.E.D in my book.
The eldest daughter is shacking up with a moron.
The teenage son wants to run away.
The teenage daughter is a pre-Madonna.
The kids run around like demon possessed monkeys!

Now lets turn back the clock and look at one of my favorite movies.
"Cheaper By The Dozen"
I know what your thinking. "Eh?"
Well in the original 1950's movie based on a true story it was very, VERY different!
They NEVER moved... at all!
The mother didn't work.
The eldest daughter wanted to be fashionable but family came first.
The teenage daughter did cooking and cleaning with her mother while she wasn't studding.
The teenage son trained to take over his fathers business.
The other kids played around and didn't make much noise.
And lastly, the tale ends with the father dying and the mother taking over the business and becoming one of the greatest lady businessmen, er, women, alive.

Now this gets me to thinking. Times sure have changed... Where did our values go?
We turned, "Yes, father." into "Dad! I hate you!!!"
Maybe I'm just old fashioned. :unsure:

Well, I'll start out by saying that many have legitimate reasons for hating a parent. There are horrible things happening to kids that you couldn't imagine unless you've been through it.

Another point is the fact so many parents choose to take on a friendship role to their kids. They lose they parental respect from their kids, so the kids don't feel as though their talking to a parent, but someone their own age who's trying to rule their life when they see fit. It causes confusion, and frustration, and because there isn't that same respect, they don't feel any different about saying to their parents as they would anyone else.

Another thing is that the word hate is taken very lightly. You can say it jokingly to friends and family often, and it's not offensive. However if you yell it at someone, it's taken more seriously, even if it wasn't supposed to be as serious. As you say it more jokingly, you become used to it and it is more likely to be said later on in different circumstances.

These days, independance is considered a right for children, and when they feel that right is not being given, they'll be very upset. It causes an over-reaction, and most parents don't take the time to explain WHY. Parents simply take a controlling position, and their reasoning is that they are in charge so that's that. Parents need to tell their kids why they can't do something, so there's an understanding of why the parents feel that way, and it's not just to rule their kid's life.

That's a few reason's I believe that kids are rebelling and such.

I don't know if this is a common occurance, but it seems to me that forty something year old spinsters relaspe into this teenage 'you don't understand me. You don't need to know anything' mode. I think my aunt's suffering from it... :unsure:

My parents gave me a lot of freedom to make my own choices, and they always discussed important issues with me. They also explained things, like why I couldn't have this, or why I couldn't do that. I guess it worked to some extent considering that I didn't rebel or anything, but my parents never did receive the thanks that they deserved because I took things forgranted. So, even though it seemed like they were model parents, somethings still didn't work out. One problem is avoided, but another just takes its place.

It makes me wonder if the old way of doing things was better. Whatever the parent says goes, whether the kid likes it or not. No complaining either.

Oh, you mean like having an verbally abusive father who controls every aspect of your life and punishes you for the least little thing; a man who calls you a lazy selfish b*tch and beats your cat? Or having a step-mother who treats her biological children better than she ever treats you; a woman who is never satisfied with what you do and is contantly telling you what a worthless failure you are? How about a biological mother who comes back into your life after a long absence only to STEAL YOUR IDENTITY in order to sign up for credit cards?

Are those legitimate reasons for hating a parent? If you had asked me that question 5 years ago I would have said: YES, I hate them! :mad:

But now, looking back, I am ashamed at my hate. No matter what anyone does to you, there is no excuse for hate. The Lord has told us to love our enemies and to honor our parents. Now when I spend time with my parents I treat them with respect no matter what they do to me. That doesn't mean that I trust them, or that I think what they are doing is right, only that I believe that two wrongs don't make a right.

I realize that this post is rather harsh and I'm not angry with anyone or anything like that... It just seemed to me that it would be good to explain why I feel that telling your parents you hate them is wrong, even if they are rotten to the core, and that I have experience with hating my parents so I'm not just pullling this stuff out of my hat. There was a point in my life where I very much wished my father would die a violent death. (Which creeps me out now that I look back on it... :ermm: ) Anyway: HATE=BAD, LOVE=GOOD!

Sorry for all the melodrama... :whistle:

I understand what you're saying vash, but what i mean is that there can be a hate, but there is also forgiveness. Forgiveness is a choice, and not everyone is willing to. I think it's wonderful that you were able to. But some people never learn to, and don't have religion, someone, or something to help them with that. I, like you, believe in forgiveness as well, so I don't keep hatred in me. I may hate the things people do, but I don't hate the people.

I wasn't trying to argue why it's ok to hate, I was stating my observations on why I think kids are like this. I'm sorry if you felt upset by it. :unsure:

It wasn't you. I let myself get upset over this topic... Don't worry about it! :)

This is a very serious issue. It's easy to get upset.

I can see forgiving a parent who has abused you. But does forgiving them mean that you love them? I see forgiving them and loving them as being two separate things that aren't necessarily linked.

I think it's very hard to love a parent who's treated you that way. Forgving them for such acts is easier than loving them. Forgiving them means that you don't harbor ill will towards them or want to seek revenge.... but it doesn't mean that you love them. If you don't trust them, how can you say that you really love them? If you don't think the choices that they make are good choices, then how can you respect them? :unsure:

When a parent has gone to the extreme of harassing and/or abusing their child, I'm not sure that the child should feel obligated to love them just because they're his/her parents. I can see forgiving the parent's mistakes and shortcomings, and I can see understanding IF they failed despite trying their best for you... but I see that as being very different from outright abuse like we saw in the movie Mommy Dearest. Was that mother deserving of love? :unsure:

I agree. There is a certain level of respect that we owe to our parents, however, I don't think because we respect them, that we have to like them.

I would never say 'I hate you' to my parents, but I don't particularly like them...and I certainly don't 'love' them. Its more like fear thats stopping me from saying it...then again, there is no real point in saying it.

But for why teens say it over such small things...I always thought it was cause they were spoiled. :unsure: Because, they get mad over something small...

Forgiveness to me, is love. Or at least, a small degree of love. When you forgive someone, that is love because at least you are willing to let the grudge pass, for your sake and theirs. But that kind of love is very different from the kind of maternal/paternal kind of love, or even trust.

Judging by what you've said about Mommy Dearest, Aly, and before it, I take the mother was abusive. Is it true that sometimes, when a child is being abused for no cause, they tend to try and reach out all the same, as if they were the ones who were wrong? :unsure:

I can understand what you mean by the last part, Onigiri. Notice that teenagers who have been raised away from the harmful media of today tend to be more loving, while those exposed to it daily tend to be building up way too much "teenage angst"? :ermm: Or maybe that's just me...

Sometimes, I overreact when my parents keep reminding me to do something, when I already know what to do (I usually have a varied temper), but I never say "I hate you." That's going to far.

Though, I admit, sometimes, when my mom makes me feel like I should hate her, I tend to have violent ideas which usually involve my self-destruction. :blink:

I agree with what you said in the first part, ~Hopeful_Angel~. Forgiveness is love. I think that we should forgive people no matter what they've done to us. Even doing something like physical and emotional abuse should be forgiven. Because if we don't forgive we become hardened and bitter. I know that there are times when I don't want to forgive people but I know that by not forgiving them it will only hurt me.

Yeah, Mommy Dearest is an old movie that gets repeated all the time. The mother is physically and mentally abusive to her daughter.

I don't know that forgiveness is necessarily love. For example, say that a Cloti came here and apologized to me for writing flames in my guestbook. If I accept the apology and don't harass the Cloti, does that mean I love the Cloti? Does that mean I trust the Cloti to never do anything against me again?

There are degrees of forgiveness. If a boyfriend and girlfriend get into an argument, patch things up, and forgive one another later, the forgiveness is based on their love for one another. That's a very different kind of forgiveness than forgiving a bully on the playground who harasses you on a daily basis.

Living with an abusive parent is like having a flaming, bashing, and harassing Cloti live with you. The insults and mocking can happen 24/7. If the parent is also physically and/or sexually abusive, the child can get beaten or raped any time of the day or night. It's like being a prisoner of war. How many times do you think a child would reach out in that situation?

And poor Anastar does have to live with such things. :huggle:

On a more serious note, I agree with you, Anastar. There are degrees to forgiveness, just as there are degrees to love. Forgiveness can, indeed, be a part of love. My Dad forgave my mother anything because he loved her, even after she walked out on him for another guy. But I look at forgiveness as a natural part of healing yourself. If you forgive someone who does wrong to you, you free yourself from their power and their control. It gives them nothing to hold over you and leaves you free of the pain of harboring resentment.

Because resentment and hatred are what ruin your personality and blind you to better things. Even though that person did bad things, you have to free yourself of the anger and the hatred, or else it eats you alive. You're basically stuck, and your resentment and hatred do not affect the person you bear it toward--it only affects you and those you love. Forgiveness has a more powerful healing effect--not for the perpetrator, but for the one offering it.

Does that make sense at all? I feel like I'm just gabbling away... ^_^

I was thinking about it, and I'm not sure if forgiveness is love. I had a longtime "friend" who betrayed me in a very serious way, and I have forgiven her, but I have no love for her. In time maybe I can, but I still can't feel any love towards her after what she did. The closest thing would probably be pity right now. I can't really put any more about it right now because it's starting to upset me...

I think that forgiveness is sometimes love, but sometimes it's for your own good. It may even be possible to forgive and still hate a person for what they've done. I really am not sure. I don't think I hate anyone, but I sure have misgivings that I try to let go of.

God forgives all the time, when you come to Him in repentance. I know what you mean, Taco, when you say you can't love somebody, when they have hurt you so, but when you forgive, it means you are willing to put it behind you, and maybe start a new relatioship. Thats what happens when you when God forgives. You are born again, and when I came to God, I was a little girl, but I understood what it meant to belong to God. And as I've grown up, I just praise God that He has given me new life. When ever I stray, God always forgives me when I say sorry, and I mean it. I never try to do it again.

I have a friend who has recently been led to the Lord, and she has changed so much. She used to be moody, paranoid, and always had a burden on her back. She suffered so much. But now, since she became a Christian, she has changed like that. *clicks fingers* She is now happy, she smiles all the time, and has madea new life for herself, with the help of the Lord Jesus. God forgave her, and He still loves her for who she was and is.

Jesus loves us so much that He suffered on a cross, and put up with painful torture, so he can save us rom our own sin. Isn't that marvelous? Someone suffering for your sake? I owe everything to Him, all becuase He was willing to forgive us and Love us.

:) Anyway, I just wanted to give a testimony, that had the subject on hate/love. :whistle:

I just wrote a long thing, but now I deleted it because it's not what I want to say. I might write something later, but I don't know what yet. I think you guys are great, but I don't want to reveal so much about myself right yet. :huggle:

But how can you compare God's love in forgiving us with forgiveness among humans? God may forgive us out of love for us, but that doesn't mean that all human forgiveness is based on love.

Exactly. There may be many reasons for forgiving someone that has nothing to do with loving them.

Feeling hatred toward anyone is a terrible thing, and it's often unwarranted. Some people will hate others who simply disagree with them, for example. Many rabid Cloti's hate Cleris people because we have a different opinion on the Love Triangle, for example. Their hatred is totally unwarranted, and it belittles them, in my opinion.

At the same time, I don't think that a parent deserves to be loved simply because they are your parent. It totally depends on how the parent has treated you. If a parent has been mentally, physically, and/or sexually abusive to their child, I don't think the child is obligated to love their parent. If a child hates their parent due to mental, physical, and/or sexual abuse, I think the child has good reason to hate their parent.

I'm not saying that parents should be hated for disciplining children or setting limits that the child doesn't like. That's done for the child's own welfare, and the child may not agree with what the parent is doing. But disagreements are not a reason for hatred. It's just as unreasonable and unwarranted as rabid Cloti's hating us because we don't think that Cloud loved Tifa.

Sorry. I didn't make you understand. ^_^

By forgiveness, people love. Okay, another vague statement, but let me try again. If you forgive someone, you don't necessarily really love them (once again, not like paternal/maternal love) but it's like you're releasing grudges. Grudges that would destroy you.

How can a grudge destroy you? You build up resentment until you can't handle it any longer, which usually crushes you spiritually and emotionally, especially if you are helpless in changing you're current situation.

Forgiving is still loving, with different bases, like you said. For someone who is abusive in any way, letting go of that pain is helping you focus, in keeping yourself sane - under that sort of abuse, who wouldn't break? - and keeping your mind in check.

The reaching-out part is a question. Sorry! >_< I was wondering if it would happen, to children who are still so young and don't know why their parents seem to hate them.

With trust, it's placing a situation or something related to that in someone's hands. It's loving them enough to wholly believe that they would never let you down in what you have asked them to.

With the Cloti situation, you can forgive a person from what they've done, but to trust them to do it again? Not really. You're never sure if that apology is sincere, or not.

Because God's love in infinite. There is nothing that can stop God from loving you, and here is the person who created us. We are human, and as humans we hate. You are perfectly right, Aly, humans can hate, but they can fogive. Forgiving is a sign of chivalry, that can show that love conquers all, whether it's love for a mother, father, brother, friend, enemy, or your partner.

Ever heard of the phrase, "Forgive and forget"? There is more to it, than just forgiving and forgetting. Forgiving is an act of wanting to deal with a problem, confonting it, and then forgetting the situation, getting on with your life. It is not healthy to hold a grudge, and all the people who have trespassed against me, I have forgiven them, becuase God has taught me how to forgive. And, I love the person back, no matter what they have done to me, becuase I want them to understand the same joy as me, of knowing that if they accept God, He will be able to take us away from all the evil that is going to happen in this world. *holds up the Bible*

Amen, AerithResurrected-san! We better watch out or we're going to be having church! lol

I think that forgiveness and love are very close. If you forgive someone it doesn't mean you automatically love and trust the person. The person who wronged you could keep on wronging you but if you forgive them it makes the burden easier for you to carry.

My mother went to Swaziland Africa this year on a mission trip. They had a service where everyone would come and tape the names of people who had wronged them up on a cross. And they would forgive them. After the service the pastor's wife came up to my mother and told her that her brothers and father would abuse her and her mother when she was a child. She was pregnant at the time and her three year old daughter would always say, "Mommy's gonna give me a baby brother." She'd always think, "No. I don't want a boy. I don't want him to hurt my daughter."
But on the night of the service she taped the names of her brothers and father to the cross and forgave them. And she told my mother that she wanted a little boy now. And she wasn't going to hold a grudge against her father and brothers any longer.
That my friends, is the power of forgiveness.

That's beautiful. That woman had all those thoughts bottled up inside, she just let them out slowly, and did the right thing. plus, she did it through God!!

When Jesus was dying on the cross, and the Romans and the people were mocking Him, do you know what He said to God? "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do."---Luke 23:34 When Jesus died on the cross that day, He bore every single sin that the world had, is and is going to commit. All the sin. His blood was and is being used to wash the sins of man away, so we can have another chance to go to Heaven and be saved. What awesome forgiveness and compassion!! ^_^

I agree. No one should keep feelings held up inside of them. I know that the hard way.
The only person I ever told I hated them was my half sister. She came to live with us about 4 years ago...
She was very vain and self-centered. This caused her to be mean to me. She kept tearing at me and tearing at me until one day I snapped and screamed that I hatted her. And at the time I really did. But I knew in the back of my mind that it was wrong of me to do that. She had lost her real mother when she was only 13 and she tried to fish for compliments and tell herself she was so great because she was insecure. We finaly made up and she began to change. And now I forgave her. When you keep anger inside of you it turns into hate and hate will only get you into a load of crap. To put it blatenly.

Not forgiving people will only hurt you and them. Nomatter what they did to you. Even if they don't say they're sorry we should still forgive them.

Edit: Sorry to double post! I'm on someone else's computer and it posted this twice. :blush:

::sniff:: :sad: Inspirational! :sad: I feel so inspired. Sooner or later, I'm going to turn into a tree-hugging hippie! :lol:

God's love is so much different from human love, though. :( Humans tend to be biased on who their love and affection go to, usually to those who they feel deserve it, not to who should really deserve it. It's kind of sad... but when someone does forgive right, it's beautiful.

Hate tends to destroy so many things, and without forgiving, hate can be a force to reckon with. :no:

Sometimes i say it. Because they're always saying what i should do, what i should eat, what i should think :mad: i have my own life!

But sometimes.. i... :whistle: repent thinking this way :unsure:

There are many different kinds of love, HA, I completely agree. And forgiveness can be a sign of love. ^_^ Punk, I'm glad that you forgive. :huggle:

Pain is a breeding ground for hate. If someone or something causes you pain, you start hating it...

Baaaah *brain gets clouded*

I don't think anyone can truly hate someone they truly love... no matter what.

*hopes that makes sense* :whistle:

It makes sense. It reminds me of what my mother always says. "What your feeling is real but it isn't true."
You may feel like you hate someone you love but it isn't true.