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| Zoe had nightmares. Sometimes they were simple; flashback from the war, faceless men dying by the dozen on either side of her. Every bullet moved in slow motion and the same look of surprise and fear was etched on every countenance: impact, penetration and then, still in slow motion, death. These dreams were the easiest to deal with because they were familiar, something she'd known once and could get past because in some still rational part of her mind she knew that world wasn't hers anymore. She'd gotten to the point where she could wake herself from those, realize she was safe in bed next to Wash and fall back into deep, dreamless sleep. Some were worse. Sometimes she would find herself in a warm bathtub, ner naked skin soaking in scented oils, surrounded by soap bubbles. Her hair would be wet ringlets, sticking to her back and shoulders and her head would rest against the edge of the tub as she took a deep, calming breath. The she would notice it, the smell. The scent rising from the water was familiar: rotting. She would lift her body from the water and find that she'd been luxuriantly stewing in hot blood. She would usually wake from these with a start, covered in sweat. Wash would have already scrunched over to his side of the bed in his sleep because of the moisture and it was just as well because she didn't want to be touched afterwards. Then there were times like tonight. She was in the bathtub again, warm water and bubbles, but this time Wash was there. He was sitting behind her, arms encircling her waist, relaxed. For a moment she would be fooled, it was funny that she could never tell which kind of dream she was having until it was too late. But she would lean back against him, her forearms resting on his, strong from the way he gripped the steering wheel when he flew. They would lie still and then she would realize what was wrong. There was no way she could sit in this kind of silence with her husband for more than two minutes, not without some sort of witty comment or soft caress, not unless he were dead. And then the dread would hit her and slowly she would turn in his arms, finding them not relaxed, but limp. His head lulled backward and to one side on the edge of the tub as if he were sleeping, but he wasn't, she knew. He had circular burns on his chest and the bruises were already turning green on his body. His eyes were black holes. She would scream there, in the bathtub because she knew no one could hear her and then she would grab for his hand. When she took it, Mal's ear would slip through his fingers and into hers, wrapped in a handkerchief soaked in the blood that had been water seconds before. She would sink beneath the blood and be choking on it before she woke, choking on her own sobs. Thankfully, at the sound of Wash doing his best to leave the bunk without waking her, her eyes opened, a reflex. It was true, she was a light sleeper, but she saw that as more of an advantage than a hinderance especially when it woke her from her nightmares before the bad parts. Silently thanking her husband for inadvertantly saving her from herself, Zoe closed her eyes again and rolled over. She tried to go back to sleep but five minutes later she sat up in bed, unable to do so. She hated to admit it, but after being married for so long there were some nights she couldn't sleep without that familiar weight next to her. Pursing her lips slightly, Zoe moved to the edge of the bed and felt around on the floor for some article of clothing. She ended up with one of Wash's button down Hawaiian shirts, which she buttoned up to the second button from the top. She slipped on a pair of her own pants and tied her mess of curls away from her face semi-successfully before moving up the ladder and into the hall in bare feet. She only meant to be up long enough to find Wash and pull him back into bed, but before she could even look up into the helm to see if he'd wandered up there she was drawn to the galley by a low murmur of conversation. Her brow furrowed slightly as she walked down into the dining area, but she couldn't help but smile at the gathering she found there. Everyone seemed surprisingly aware for it being so late (or earlier, depending on how you looked at it). "A little early for drinkin' ain't it?" she spoke, raising her eyebrows as her gaze settled on Jayne. She recognized the smell of his whiskey at once, though it was dampened by the scent of beans and a sweeter leafy smell: tea. "Y'all know we got an early day tomorrow, cap said he wants to be in and out of Persephone faster'n slow," she warned the group as she moved through them to the cupboard, intent on mixing herself a cup of coffee. They didn't want to run afoul of Badger, not just yet, not so soon after that close encounter with the bounty hunter. Badger had often threatened to turn them in to the proper authorities and that was when he hadn't known about Simon and River. She glanced over at the brother and then to the sister, who seeed to be in the middle of a rare quiet moment, though she was oddly dressed in a finely made sleeping robe over a bulky sweater. Over the past week she'd become a real part of the crew as a family and the idea of her being in the way of trouble didn't sit right with Zoe. If there was a bounty hunter with enough information to catch them in the dead of space there was no telling who knew what planetside. She moved to put some instant coffee grounds into the mixer when she noticed someone had already been down that path. The strong smell of the thick sludge at the bottom of the mixer spoke for itself. "Did Wash try to make coffee?" she asked, smirking over to her husband. She suspected Wash had never much liked coffee, but with such limited options it seemed like the best route given his job. Zoe had grown used to the bitterness of the strong brown drink buring the war and found herself unable to shake the addiction, which was why she always made the coffee for the both of them. He didn't do so well on his own. Amused, she rinsed out the mixer and put her own grounds in there with soe hot water. She leaned back against the counter as she waited, now completely awake. She doubted she'd be able to sleep again tonight. |