http://news.monstersandcritics.com/columns...g_off_the_wagonConservative Voice: Al Gore- Is he falling off the wagon?By Mark Carroll
Jan 26, 2006, 19:00 GMT
Al “the little wooden boy” Gore, in his never-ending quest to grab the occasional headline and prove that he is cured of his trademark stiffness, made a weak attempt at humor before delivering a speech on the evils of domestic spying.
\"I used to be the next president of the United States,\" he said, drawing a roar of laughter from the gathered lynch mob. \"I don\'t find that to be very funny (which is somewhat of a relief because it was actually quite scary instead of funny),” he retorted. \"I\'m a recovering politician.\" We are all behind you, Al. We have been hoping and praying that you would make a full recovery and so much the more after reading your comments concerning global warming. “Terrorism is extremely serious,” he said, “but on a long-term global basis, global warming is the most serious problem we are facing.” Yes, we certainly hope he fully recovers from any and all political ambitions.
In other absurd news, according to an Associated Press article, a People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals volunteer, Michelle Cho, protesting in Madison, Wisconsin “dropped her robe to reveal pasties and a pair of bikini bottoms. Her skin was marked with a butcher\'s description of meat. Her back, for example, was divided into ‘chuck,’ ‘rib,’ and ‘loin.’” She sat on the sidewalk for about 10 minutes, in a 21-degree wind chill, holding a sign that read \"Have a heart. Go vegetarian.\" In an apparent show of their support for the vegetarian lifestyle, “men in the crowd snapped pictures of her with their cell phone cameras. The point was to show that animals can suffer the same as humans, said PETA campaign director Chris Link.” This was enlightening to me since the point was just beyond my grasp. Thanks, Chris.
Let’s look at another protestor and try to discern what the point of his protest might have been. According to an article on PETA’s website, a 19-year-old PETA staff member decided “to make a statement every time he’s asked for or signs his name.” The protester formerly known as Chris Garnett has legally changed his name to KentuckyFriedCruelty.com, the same name as PETA’s website that gives the lowdown on KFC’s alleged chicken abuses. With no words of wisdom from the PETA director to guide me, I will venture that the point of this protest is to insure that no sane female will ever look in his direction. Hopefully, this will prevent his genes from being released into the general population. My hat is off to him for making such a noble sacrifice.
What does the man who invented the internet, the lady who will definitely be on it, and the young man named after a website all have in common besides a loose grip on reality? They are all apparently unable to find any real issue to latch onto. Now before you grab your bucket of red paint or climb onto your soapbox to sing the praises of Gore, let me ask you a question. How disturbed are you about global warming? Do you lay awake at night hoping that the polar ice caps stay frozen until morning? While I do believe that cruelty to animals should not be tolerated, the buffet line at KFC is a wonderful place to visit.
I have a little difficulty biting the hand that feeds me. Are there not more important issues that need to be addressed? What about the fact that a new literacy study found that more than one half of students at four year colleges and at least seventy-five percent at two year colleges, lack the literacy to handle complex, real-life tasks such as understanding credit card offers or the arguments of newspaper editorials? What about the fact that the number of uninsured Americans rose to 45.8 million during 2004? Does anyone care that every day more than 16,000 children die from hunger-related causes? One child dies every five seconds. How about the fact that teen/youth suicide rates have tripled since 1970. There are far too many important issues to list them all here, but any one of them is more relevant an issue than the fact that Alaska has warmed by an average of four degrees Fahrenheit since the 1950’s. We should put our energy into things that really matter like keeping Al Gore on the wagon. He could fall back into political life at any time. There’s a thought that might keep you up at night.